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Ghost Of The Best Thing On The Internet Thread™


Sponge
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1 hour ago, Sponge said:

I'm a well documented NDT hater so you know who I got.

Being stuck with him on a cross-country train would be one of the worst experiences that I could imagine. I love learning. I (generally) love smart people. But I can't stand people who feel compelled to broadcast how smart they are and his humility is absolutely Trump-esque.

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A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of their hectic work schedules, it was difficult for the couple to coordinate their travel plans. So the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, while his wife planned to fly down the following day.

 

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a laptop in his room with free wifi, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter of her email address, and sent the email without realizing his error.

 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from family and friends.

But after reading her very first email, she screamed and fainted.

 

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

 

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve Just Arrived Today

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have a laptop here with free wifi. Since I’ve just arrived, I thought I would send you an email.

Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

 

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!

 

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A pastor was writing a sermon about sex, but he was a very shy man, especially when it came to taboo topics. While the sermon was intended to tell his congregation about how sex is important to a healthy marriage, he just couldn't bring himself to actually write the word "sex". Instead, he just decided to use the letter "S" in his written notes.

The pastor's wife came in the room and saw him working on his sermon notes. When she asked him what the "S" in his sermon notes stood for, the pastor nervously blurted out "SAILING, It's all about sailing!"

The next Sunday, the wife unfortunately had to visit her sick mother, so she missed the pastor's sermon. The pastor started his sermon, and was pretty nervous, but as he preached, he got more and more comfortable about the topic of sex. His congregation loved the sermon and thought that he did a wonderful job teaching of the important of sex in a marriage.

The next day, the wife ran into some of the congregation at the grocery store. They told her what a wonderful sermon her husband had delivered the day before and how well he explained everything. The wife, baffled, said "Wow, that's a bit unexpected. He's only ever done it twice. First time he got nauseous, and the second time he got lost."

 

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