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Emmitt's - I'm sorry to all


Emmitt
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I seen the news as well as the druge report. I can’t keep living a lie. I need to apologize to my victims and my family.

 

To Drew – I’m sorry that the story came out about the weasel and tabasco sauce incident 10 years ago. At that time I was not acting in a way that a grown man should conduct himself. Still, I find myselves helpless in your trance.

 

To Cam – I would like you to know that I’m most hurt that you didn’t have the stones to answer questions about our outings. They are embarrassing to me as well as Jamis. That time we were all in Biloxy and played pick up sticks was the time of my life. No, I can’t escape it nor can I deny it was the time of my lives.

 

Now for the naselsprayers:

 

First of all, and I say 1st of all as if I wasn’t already 2nd, I need to acknowledge that there are many stories that are coming out that are just not true. In order to defend my elves, so to speak, I will elaborate.

 

  1. I do admit to having a button on the bottom of my desk that controlled the locking of my door to my office, but I’ve never actually used the button. I like to get my victims all hot and buttered to they can’t stand it. Just when it looks like I’ve concurred my victim, in true Falcon style, I go all soft zone and let them have plenty of cushion and leave the office.

 

I fully acknowledge the fact that after three years of letting them off the hook, I will never have a go for the throat attitude and prefer to hope my victim trip themselves up on my desk leg as they scurry off.

 

  1. Even though there is a video circling around of me telling my co-worker to “keep bending over like that”, my words have been digitally enhanced to make it sound like that. I all actuallites, I simply said, “Marcupilals are not cats”.

 

      4. That is all. The rest is somewhat true

Edited by Emmitt
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3 minutes ago, Bart2Ryan+beyond said:

Emmit's essays remind me of a skit on the old In Living Colour TV show that starred the Wayans family.  The skit was poking fun at literacy programs in prisons and one of the Wayans would just talk to the camera in this never-ending sentence made up of really big words that didn't fit into any context.

 

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1 hour ago, Emmitt said:
  1. I do admit to having a button on the bottom of my desk that controlled the locking of my door to my office, but I’ve never actually used the button. I like to get my victims all hot and buttered to they can’t stand it. Just when it looks like I’ve concurred my victim, in true Falcon style, I go all soft zone and let them have plenty of cushion and leave the office.

 

 

This paragraph is pure awesomeness. 

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5 hours ago, Emmitt said:

I seen the news as well as the druge report. I can’t keep living a lie. I need to apologize to my victims and my family.

 

To Drew – I’m sorry that the story came out about the weasel and tabasco sauce incident 10 years ago. At that time I was not acting in a way that a grown man should conduct himself. Still, I find myselves helpless in your trance.

 

To Cam – I would like you to know that I’m most hurt that you didn’t have the stones to answer questions about our outings. They are embarrassing to me as well as Jamis. That time we were all in Biloxy and played pick up sticks was the time of my life. No, I can’t escape it nor can I deny it was the time of my lives.

 

Now for the naselsprayers:

 

First of all, and I say 1st of all as if I wasn’t already 2nd, I need to acknowledge that there are many stories that are coming out that are just not true. In order to defend my elves, so to speak, I will elaborate.

 

  1. I do admit to having a button on the bottom of my desk that controlled the locking of my door to my office, but I’ve never actually used the button. I like to get my victims all hot and buttered to they can’t stand it. Just when it looks like I’ve concurred my victim, in true Falcon style, I go all soft zone and let them have plenty of cushion and leave the office.

 

I fully acknowledge the fact that after three years of letting them off the hook, I will never have a go for the throat attitude and prefer to hope my victim trip themselves up on my desk leg as they scurry off.

 

  1. Even though there is a video circling around of me telling my co-worker to “keep bending over like that”, my words have been digitally enhanced to make it sound like that. I all actuallites, I simply said, “Marcupilals are not cats”.

 

      4. That is all. The rest is somewhat true

It feels good to come clean. 

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