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Who here has dealt with the first child leaving the nest?


AREA 51
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My oldest daughter is leaving in one month to attend Montana State University. Of course, like we all say, they grow up so fast. It is hard to believe my first born is already going off to college, but it is true. I remember her being born as if it was yesterday, and though me and her have bumped heads a few times, she is my first born, my child, my baby girl, and now it is time for her to fly. This is a wonderful, sad, and emotional change, but it is also a part of life. I just wonder how those before me handled this change.

I am an emotional person, so I fear the tears will come despite my best attempts to hold them back. My daughter is like me, so she will surely follow me into to tears if I begin to lose it. Though, at times I was ready for her to already be gone, and at times she was ready to already be gone, we know this moment is not set up by fleeting thoughts during arguments over curfews. This moment is not about never seeing each other again. It is about change. It is about parents who have cared for a child for eighteen years, and now, with our duties and responsibilities nearing an end, we will slowly begin to let go.

Though this transition has been done for thousands of years by billions of people, it is my first time, and I am trying to strengthen my mind against emotional distress. I fear my wife and I will miss her far more than we believe we will.

 

 

 

Edited by AREA 51
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19 minutes ago, Flip Wilson said:

My oldest is 21 and has her own apartment. My situation was a little different because she lived with her mother and only stayed with me a couple of days a week but now that time has been shortened much further. It is a rare treat to see my first born these days.:(

Yeah, I am fully aware that after the adjustment period, we will be hard pressed to hear from her. Remembering how my mother would get on to me for not calling her enough, I know how it goes. :)

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Don't worry, you'll hear from her! Especially when she needs to "talk" (needs something), which in my case means my daughters need money! :lol:

I read somewhere that kids these days are staying with their parents into their 30s! No way I could have done that with my mom. Besides, I was ready to get the **** outta there!

 

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Hang in there buddy the little birds need to leave the nest in order to learn how to fly .I can remember taking my 2 daughters up to UGA and it was real quiet around the house for a few years and then they graduated and came back to Savannah and got jobs. Now they are 30 and 25 and moved back in with my wife and I . You just never know :D

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Guest Regular Guy

For me and my wife it was a little different. Our first born, my son, graduated high school and then went to culinary school locally so he was home everyday. He is 23 and is STILL at home. Working and saving money, we never see him so it's like he's not here but we know that he is still at home so we were not prepared to deal with our daughter leaving. She's been home all summer from college, which has been great! Like old times. Last year at this time though, whoa.....what another story. We were so busy getting things she was going to need for college, for her dorm, that were distracted from the fact she was going to be gone. I knew it was going to be rough the day we moved her into her dorm, we made it last as long as we could. "Oh, shoot! We forgot such and such, let's run up to the store real quick" lol.

 

We were dreading leaving. Once the dorm was set up, futon, fridge, keurig, microwave, decorations, snacks and root beers, printer paper and ink, bean bag chair.....all of it put in place, it was time to hug and say goodbye. I cried , quietly, all the way home. The house was much quieter than it normally is. Our dogs even knew she was missing, lol. They were sad too. I came home, didn't want to eat. I watched her high school graduation speech a few times just to give me that final punch in the stomach, lol. Everyday we'd call her. We went to visit her the very next weekend, took her out to lunch. Eventually, we settled into the idea that she can't stay little forever and each day the "funk" lifted a little and it got better but there for a while....man, I gotta tell you. It sucked BAD! For about a month or more I'd say I was depressed. Now, when we have time with her, we cherish it even more. This may sound cheesy and hokey to all of y'all but a Daddy's love is a Daddy's love ;) I ain't embarrassed or ashamed!

 

In a few weeks, she'll be going back to college and it will kinda suck again but it won't be near as bad this time around. I know she's alright and that I'll see her often enough to keep me sane :)

 

 

Good luck with it, you'll be fine. It's just an adjustment period but we humans are pretty adaptive creatures.

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10 hours ago, kicker said:

Good story, Area 51.

Are we being facetious? I cannot tell. It seems everything I write gets shot at, but that is ok.

Anyways, thanks for the advice offered here. I think the biggest thing is she is going so far away, Montana. If anyone is wondering how she picked that school, it was her uncles fault.:) My brother took her and my younger daughter out that way last summer. They visited several states, Yellowstone Park, and  she fell in love with the state. She wants to be a civil engineer like my brother, at least for now, and Montana State happens to offer that program. She immediately applied.

We discussed the distance and the weather, but she was determined to attend there. I think it is good, however, she is just now beginning to be concerned with the cold weather. I told her that we discussed that. I just told her it will be an adjustment, but if you hate it, come back home and apply closer. I did tell her she needs to give it time. I think she will be fine. 

After the weather, comes the distance. Logistically, it is much more challenging than going to school closer to home. We decided she would fly out there. I just do not feel comfortable with her driving that distance by herself. Her mother is going up there with her to get in the room and do some shopping. We will ship most of her stuff during the proceeding weeks.

I must mention, the cost. College is outrageous now, and after the grants and scholarships Montana State offered her, it is actually cheaper than going to school closer. We are helping with cost of travel and living and as much as we can, but she is getting loans to cover the rest of the cost of going to school, which will be about $15,000 dollars for one year. That is about $60,000 for four years. High, but I have heard of worse.

 

 

 

 

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My daughter went to college a few years ago and its been a rocky road. She transferred back to Ga Perimeter and started making good grades then decided to go to Armstrong at Savannah and did poorly. I guess I blame myself for not preparing her for the "world". Although she thinks she is grown in my opinion has a few more years of seasoning before I can pull back on my financial support. She is healthy and seems to be happy so I am just being quiet and supportive for now..............

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1 hour ago, MAD597 said:

My son is 6 and we are really close and I dread the day he moves out even now. I will be a wreck for awhile. He is our only child and we are probably not going to have anymore so it is going to be rough.

Give it time. The teenage years tend to make the thought of your children moving out a little easier.:D

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2 hours ago, AREA 51 said:

Give it time. The teenage years tend to make the thought of your children moving out a little easier.:D

I hope so, my wife talks to me about thje time in the future when he moves out and we can travel again and do spur of the moment stuff and she seems to look forward to that and I'm like uhh that time is really gonna suck, he's one of my best friends and I enjoy being his dad and having him around. I'm probably not going to be a very happy empty nester when the time comes

Edited by MAD597
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