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Holiday Ads You're Going To Miss The Least?

Mr. Hoopah!

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I don't know what holiday ads I'm more tired of, Target's "It's a marshmallow world" christmas spots, or the NFL Shop's "vikings-eagles-bengals-steelers" family.

I'm pretty sure it's the NFL Shop's "vikings-eagles-bengals-steelers" family. I ****ing HATE those people, fictional as they may be.

You're a vikings' fan, you meet a loud, domineering female eagles fan, then you both move to Cincinnati and your kids are bengals fans? WTF? There's no way that woman is letting her kids be anything other than eagles fans, he meets her in a bar while she's yelling at the eagles game on tv.

And don't even get me started on the steelers kid. UGH.

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Drew Magary, a columnist for Deadspin, hates these ads even than I do, because he's a Viking's fan.

The Worst NFL Family In America Must Be Stopped

31 Drew Magary

Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL **** Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here.
You’re gonna be watching a whole lotta football this coming weekend, and when you watch those games, you’re probably gonna see this ****** ad for the NFL Shop, which has been running ever since the season started:

I am a Vikings fan, but I think I can say objectively that this is the worst ****ing family in the universe, fictional or otherwise. Let’s go through the narration to get at the root of the suck …
"We started out as a Vikings family."
Yes, you did. And you should have STAYED that way. That is how being a fan ****ing works. You pick your team, and that is your team for life. If you were dumb enough to pick the Vikings, tough ****. You are saddled with Teddy Bridgewater overthrowing guys wearing his Hamburger Helper gloves whether you like it or not.
"Until my son Brendan met Sarah, from Philly …"
Look at Brendan. No way he gets Sarah. He’s a pasty schlub and she’s a smoking hot Unicorn Sports Gal Bartender. I can’t believe an ad LIED to me.
"… got married, moved to Cincy, and had Bengal babies."
What the ****? Why are they Bengal babies? Neither Brendan NOR Unicorn Sports Gal Bartender like the Bengals. Did they just move to Cincy and were like, "Well, we’re here. Guess these little ****ers have to like Andy Dalton now." Maybe Sarah’s parents are Bengals fans. Maybe they moved there for the free day care and her domineering father demanded her little girl raise those kids as members of Who Dey Nation or something. Maybe that’s why Sarah became an Eagles fan in the first place. She got fed up with dad, fled to Philly, became a licentious drunken Philly fan, and ended up settling with some pud of a Vikings fan. I bet she thinks of running away every single day.
"Then my daughter Julie met Emmitt Smith and never let us forget it!"
Really? Well then, get ****ED, Julie. All it took was one selfie with Emmitt and now you’re a Cowboys bandwagoner? What is wrong with you? And you’re BRAGGING about it? I would not invite Julie to Thanksgiving dinner. I would cut her out of the will. See if your new bestie Emmitt will invite you over this year, lady. Maybe he’ll serve you turnkey and snuffling.
"And after years of eating Roethlis-Burgers, my son Dan became a fan of the guy too!"
Dude, did these people even like the Vikings at all to begin with? They can’t WAIT to find new ******* teams to root for. My God. You ate a bunch of hamburgers and now Big Ben is your hero? You know about the rape allegations and his gray ***** and all that, right? Or was the burger all that mattered to you? DURRRR DIS TASTE GOOD GUESS I’M A YINZER NOW SIX-BURGH KISS THE RINGS DURRRRR. And **** your hair.
"And that’s how my Vikings family became a Viking/Bengals/Eagles/Steelers/Cowboys family …"
Look at Julie! She’s wearing a Vikings jersey and a Cowboys hat! FLAG! I CALL A ****ING FLAG ON THAT OUTFIT! Only Snoop Dogg is allowed to get away with this sort of thing.
I hate this family. I hate this ad. It was clearly dreamed up by some hideous art director who was given implicit instructions to showcase a sociopathic family tree of people abandoning their original team just so they can gobble up more expensive crap at the NFL Shop. The NFL wants you to be a fairweather fan so that you watch more games and pull a Laura Quinn with your jersey every chance you get. It’s sickening, by God. And you know what the worst part is? The mom is HAPPY about this. She thinks this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to her family. Can’t she see the forest for the trees? Can’t she see that she is barely holding together a loveless collective? I bet Brendan and Julie and Dan LOATHE each other and spend every Thanksgiving staring their phones so they don’t have to talk to one another.
And of course they had to use my favorite team as the focal point for this exodus. It makes sense, since Vikings fans are horrible (last week’s game was probably 80% Packers fans, and those people probably all lived close by). But I already knew that. The NFL Shop didn’t have to go twisting the knife by holding up these smug losers as some kind of Normal Rockwell Footbaw family ideal. They didn’t have to go flaunting the transitory nature of ****** Vikings fans all across national television. You hurt me, NFL Shop. You hurt my essence. No gravy for you this Thanksgiving. That family can go to ****.

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All of them

I actually like the Apple ad where the grand daughter records the duet with, who I assume is her grandmother earlier and life, and puts it on the ipod for her with old photos. That one brought a tear to my eye the first time I saw it.

Not really a holiday ad, but the nomore.org ads with all the players/or women just being silent and looking sad at the camera are just awful.

It's obviously tough to fault anyone for raising awareness for that issue, but I agree it's executed poorly. I get their point, but it's a bit heavy handed. Which, is probably also their point.

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My wife keeps threatening me that she will become a saints fan if I teach her football. I told her it won't happen if she even hints at it. I can deal with her being a panthers fan (we live in charlotte), but a saint... Nope nope nope

Bro, you gotta take her to a falcons game in Atlanta. I took my wife to the home opener this season and she's hooked. You gotta buy her a **** t shirt and foam claw like I did, but it helps ensure their fandom.

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Not really a holiday ad, but the nomore.org ads with all the players/or women just being silent and looking sad at the camera are just awful.

The first time I saw the Cris Carter one I thought it was a pretty powerful commercial. Maybe thier was some history there maybe his mom was abused or something I have no idea, but it felt unplanned and it was one of those messages that stop you in your tracks. Now with like a dozen other people doing its starting to feel kinda put on and not nearly as poignant

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I honestly don't even pay any attention to the commercial lol. Now I won't lie and say I didn't shake my head when I first realized Wtf was going on. But I just like hearing the song lol

Yeah it makes me cringe.

I know brother man just getting a check, but it feels like selling out his creative integrity. Especially when he hits that high note and ***** his head back. I'm like dude is trying with thislaugh.png

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