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Joke Of The Day


Big_Dog
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That's a variation of a joke my dad told me 35 years ago, except in that version there was a plane going down and they needed three volunteers to jump out to save everybody else, and the punch line happened when a Texan stepped up and said "Remember the Alamo" and then shoved the Mexican off the plane.

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A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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A man walks into the local ice cream parlor and tells the attendant he wants a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of strawberry and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.

"Sorry" says the attendant, "we're all out of chocolate ice cream."

"In that case" says the man, "I'll have a pint of vanilla, a pint of strawberry and a pint of chocolate."

"I told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream, buddy" says the attendant, becoming slightly annoyed.

"OK, in that case" says the man, "I'll have a scoop of vanilla, a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate."

"Look, mister, what does the V-A-N in vanilla spell?"

"Van" he replies, "But what does that have to do with ice cream?"

"Never mind, what does the S-T-R-A-W in strawberry spell?"

"Straw" he answers, "But I still don't understand what this has got to do with my getting the ice cream I want?"

"What does the F-U-*-* in chocolate spell?" asks the attendant.

"Wait a minute" says the man, "there's no fu** in chocolate!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. Now get out of my store".

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A man walks into the local ice cream parlor and tells the attendant he wants a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of strawberry and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.

"Sorry" says the attendant, "we're all out of chocolate ice cream."

"In that case" says the man, "I'll have a pint of vanilla, a pint of strawberry and a pint of chocolate."

"I told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream, buddy" says the attendant, becoming slightly annoyed.

"OK, in that case" says the man, "I'll have a scoop of vanilla, a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate."

"Look, mister, what does the V-A-N in vanilla spell?"

"Van" he replies, "But what does that have to do with ice cream?"

"Never mind, what does the S-T-R-A-W in strawberry spell?"

"Straw" he answers, "But I still don't understand what this has got to do with my getting the ice cream I want?"

"What does the F-U-*-* in chocolate spell?" asks the attendant.

"Wait a minute" says the man, "there's no fu** in chocolate!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. Now get out of my store".

I don't get it...

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  • 1 month later...

A Priest, a Lawyer and Rabbi are on a Cruise Ship with Orphan children. The Ships starts to sink . . . fast.

The Rabbi yells "SAVE the CHILDREN!! SAVE THE CHILDREN!!!"

The Lawyer says "Ah . . F#$% the Children" and starts heading towards a life boat

The Priest Says "Do you really think there's time?"

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  • 2 weeks later...

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