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Bumbling Falcons Coach Mike Smith Revealed As Disguised Sacha Baron Cohen Character For Upcoming Movie


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Bumbling Falcons Coach Mike Smith Revealed As Disguised Sacha Baron Cohen Character For Upcoming Movie

By FalconsM5 @FalconsM5 on Nov 23 2014, 8:02p

The performance artist and comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, known for playing fictional pranksters such as Borat, Brüno and Ali G, announced his most aggressive project to date: playing an incompetent and blundering Atlanta Falcons head coach Mike Smith since 2008.

Sacha Baron Cohen has made hundreds of millions of dollars dressing up in costumes and pranking unwitting suspects. The man who has spoofed others as Austrian fashion correspondent, made uncomfortable conversation with politicians as a British rapper, and wrestled news reporters as a Kazakh journalist has outdone himself yet again.

After Sunday's loss to the Cleveland Browns, the person previously believed to be Falcons head coach Mike Smith tried explaining another late game coaching disaster by saying the Browns would have called a timeout if he did not beat them to it.

When pressed to make sense of either the timeout or the explanation, the coach was at a loss of words. After a long pause, he ripped a grey wig from his head and removed an elaborate face mask in the middle of the team's press conference. Reporters were shocked to see that Smith was never a real person, but instead, a gag expertly performed by Cohen.

Just moments after calling a head-scratching timeout that allowed the Cleveland Browns ample time to drive down the field and kick a field goal in the remaining seconds of the 4th quarter, Cohen revealed the specifics of his upcoming 2015 film, "Mike Smith: Simple Minded Football Coach".

After the success of my other films, I was forced to retire my other characters. I wondered if I could bamboozle my way into a high-paying and high-visibility position, and the hijinx I could create for my next masterpiece.

I was shocked no one noticed that even the name Mike Smith clearly sounds made up.

Cohen expertly put together the persona of a slow-witted football coach that repeated the same four meaningless phrases at every press conference, made senseless clock management decisions, benched young and promising players, and continued with the same game plan after it had failed for years.

I expected this to be a short project. The six hours of makeup every day is excruciating. I thought I would have been fired quickly, but that never happened. Not even when I left the playbook on the team plane or spent the first 12 minutes of a football game on the
sideline. I have actively tried to get fired for years but just cannot continue with this charade.

The movie is expected to contain ample video of disappointed, angry and frustrated Atlanta Falcons fans. Cohen suggested they had so much footage there may be up to four movies.

We look at some of Cohen's zanier performances of the bumbling, fictional Mike Smith.

  • In the 2013 loss to the Jets, Cohen coached the entire game with a Waffle House menu in his hand.
  • Cohen tries fighting former Atlanta Falcons player DeAngelo Hall on the sideline.
  • In Sunday's loss, Cohen called a timeout late in the game with the team in scoring distance, then called for a deep pass to Devin Hester.
  • Showed up 48 minutes late to the Falcons 2008 game against the St. Louis Rams wearing athletic shorts and a lewd t-shirt, smelling of booze.
  • Played Steven Jackson years after he was last effective to the chagrin of fans everywhere.
  • Told General Manager Thomas Dimitroff, "I don't know, just get me like five more defensive tackles" prior to the 2014 season.
  • In the 2014 Lions game, Cohen had the offense kneel down with 74 seconds left in the half then bailed out the Lions at the end of the game with a timeout, allowing them time to kick a game-winning field goal.
  • In two different seasons, Cohen accidentally sets fire to the Gatorade cooler.
  • Cohen assigned struggling linebacker Kroy Biermann to cover Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Greg Jennings.
  • Cohen was briefly detained by Atlanta Police Department for breaking into the Georgia Dome after locking his keys in the stadium.
Bravo, Cohen. This was quite the performance, but looking back, this Mike Smith character was really over the top.
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All we can do as suffering Falcons fans is to laugh. Here's one of my favorites :

CHILI JUDGING CONTEST: A Texas Chili Contest -

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank,

who was visiting from Canada.


Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a

chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment

and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for

directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was

assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili

wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free

beer during the tasting, so I accepted". Here are the scorecards from

the event:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor.. Very mild.

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy ****, what the **** is this stuff? You

could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put

the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm

supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people

who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more

beer when they saw the look on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose

feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by

now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back,

now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced

from all of the beer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was

unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out tastebuds? Sally,

the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb.

***** is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm

eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and

four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when

I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my

tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if

I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges

asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm

worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought.

Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my *** with a snow cone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am

worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world

sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava

like **** to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful.

Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3

farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd

have reacted to really hot chili.

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