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Sports On Earth: Worst Mock Draft.


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http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/69502106/2014-nfl-draft-creating-worst-mock-draft-houston-texans-st-louis-rams

1. Texans: Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson

The Texans are needy at many positions but loaded with Andre Johnson and DeAndre Hopkins at wide receiver. Hopkins even gives them a big, multi-dimensional Clemson guy, so Watkins would be completely extraneous. Although with Johnson, Watkins and Hopkins, the Texans could draft Tajh Boyd in the fourth round. Bill O'Brien then emphasizes the wide receiver screens in his offense, adds an option wrinkle and the Texans take the AFC South by storm despite a quarterback who cannot accurately throw downfield! It's called The Bengals Method, and it makes as much or more sense than trading for Ryan Mallett.

2. Rams: Blake Bortles, QB, UCF

The Rams could conceivably draft a quarterback as a potential escape plan from the Sam Bradford injury-and-upside treadmill. But they won't do it with the first of two first-round picks. And they won't select Bortles, a talented tinker-toy quarterback in need of serious fine-tuning. The Bradford-Bortles battle has a fine alliterative ring to it, but the potential for a double knockout is too great.

3. Jaguars: Khalil Mack, LB, Buffalo

The Jaguars have too many needs to make a truly awful pick, try as they might. And Mack is too multidimensional to be a bad fit anywhere. Gus Bradley could see him as the Bobby Wagner or Malcolm Smith in his grand Seahawks of the South scheme. Place Mack behind new arrivals Red Bryant and Chris Clemons, and the Jaguars will only be nine or 10 players away from a full Seahawks makeover.

Mack fits here because a small-school linebacker landing in Jacksonville feels a lot like a raindrop landing in the bottom of a well. Also: Have you ever noticed that every Jaguars mock draft asserts that they will pick a player to help sell tickets, yet the Jaguars go out of their way to draft players who will not help sell tickets in the first round? Did Luke Joeckel or Tyson Alualu light up the switchboards at Jaguars headquarters? Mack gives Jaguars fans someone to get moderately lukewarm about.

4. Browns: Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M

The Browns are needy in many places but very strong at both tackle spots. Greg Robinson could play guard and learn the trade from Jake Thomas and Mitchell Schwartz -- runs between the tackles would be fun to watch -- so let's opt for Matthews instead. A natural left tackle who is ready to play, Matthews would sit the bench behind only a dozen or so NFL linemen. Joe Thomas is one of those linemen.

5. Raiders: Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina

Greg Robinson was a lock for this selection until the Rodger Saffold signing fell through. That's right folks: The Raiders are so bad that they can screw up a purposely bad mock draft!

The Raiders have signed Justin Tuck, Antonio Smith, LaMarr Woodley and possibly some other over-the-hill front-seven defender that I missed. Far be it from anyone to suggest that these veterans, who have 26 years of experience and three Super Bowl rings among them, may be professionally sated and seeing the desperate, cash-flush Raiders as a final payday. But if that is the case, Clowney would be the perfect prospect to absorb the secrets of just doing enough to scrape by.

Assuming the Tuck Trio still brings A-level motivation, Clowney gets to be like the kid who spends the summer with grandma and grandpa in the Scottsdale retirement community. While his peers cavort at summer camp, he hits the early bird specials, takes the golf cart to the mailbox and learns to leave the pool at 11 a.m., when it starts to get hot. Instead of missing practices or combine drills for pulled muscles, Clowney's lumbago will act up. But at least he will be full of stories of how scary the 2014 Raiders defense would have been in the good old days, like 2010, when Tuck, Smith and Woodley could still play.

6. Falcons: Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville

The Falcons are one of the few teams in the top 10 who would derive zero benefit from a ready-to-play-immediately quarterback prospect.

7. Buccaneers: Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State

When it comes to cornerbacks, Lovie Smith is like the dude in the beret at the organic farmer's market. He can be a little fussy. Darrelle Revis? No, not with that precise skill set at that exorbitant price. Could you import some Alterraun Verner for me? Verner and Johnthan Banks stack the Bucs at cornerback. Dennard would help; after all, a cornerback of his talents can always help. But we could say the same about Revis.

8. Vikings: Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn

Robinson, Matt Kalil and Phil Loadholt star in the indie drama Three Pass Protectors in Search of Something Worth Protecting.

9. Bills: Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M

A Manziel-EJ Manuel prospect duel sounds like a lose-lose situation if ever there was one. More troublesome is Buffalo's weather and nonexistent social scene, which could have a negative effect on our favorite young bon vivant. Remember The Shining? Here's Johnny.

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http://www.sportsone...s-st-louis-rams

1. Texans: Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson

The Texans are needy at many positions but loaded with Andre Johnson and DeAndre Hopkins at wide receiver. Hopkins even gives them a big, multi-dimensional Clemson guy, so Watkins would be completely extraneous. Although with Johnson, Watkins and Hopkins, the Texans could draft Tajh Boyd in the fourth round. Bill O'Brien then emphasizes the wide receiver screens in his offense, adds an option wrinkle and the Texans take the AFC South by storm despite a quarterback who cannot accurately throw downfield! It's called The Bengals Method, and it makes as much or more sense than trading for Ryan Mallett.

2. Rams: Blake Bortles, QB, UCF

The Rams could conceivably draft a quarterback as a potential escape plan from the Sam Bradford injury-and-upside treadmill. But they won't do it with the first of two first-round picks. And they won't select Bortles, a talented tinker-toy quarterback in need of serious fine-tuning. The Bradford-Bortles battle has a fine alliterative ring to it, but the potential for a double knockout is too great.

3. Jaguars: Khalil Mack, LB, Buffalo

The Jaguars have too many needs to make a truly awful pick, try as they might. And Mack is too multidimensional to be a bad fit anywhere. Gus Bradley could see him as the Bobby Wagner or Malcolm Smith in his grand Seahawks of the South scheme. Place Mack behind new arrivals Red Bryant and Chris Clemons, and the Jaguars will only be nine or 10 players away from a full Seahawks makeover.

Mack fits here because a small-school linebacker landing in Jacksonville feels a lot like a raindrop landing in the bottom of a well. Also: Have you ever noticed that every Jaguars mock draft asserts that they will pick a player to help sell tickets, yet the Jaguars go out of their way to draft players who will not help sell tickets in the first round? Did Luke Joeckel or Tyson Alualu light up the switchboards at Jaguars headquarters? Mack gives Jaguars fans someone to get moderately lukewarm about.

4. Browns: Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M

The Browns are needy in many places but very strong at both tackle spots. Greg Robinson could play guard and learn the trade from Jake Thomas and Mitchell Schwartz -- runs between the tackles would be fun to watch -- so let's opt for Matthews instead. A natural left tackle who is ready to play, Matthews would sit the bench behind only a dozen or so NFL linemen. Joe Thomas is one of those linemen.

5. Raiders: Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina

Greg Robinson was a lock for this selection until the Rodger Saffold signing fell through. That's right folks: The Raiders are so bad that they can screw up a purposely bad mock draft!

The Raiders have signed Justin Tuck, Antonio Smith, LaMarr Woodley and possibly some other over-the-hill front-seven defender that I missed. Far be it from anyone to suggest that these veterans, who have 26 years of experience and three Super Bowl rings among them, may be professionally sated and seeing the desperate, cash-flush Raiders as a final payday. But if that is the case, Clowney would be the perfect prospect to absorb the secrets of just doing enough to scrape by.

Assuming the Tuck Trio still brings A-level motivation, Clowney gets to be like the kid who spends the summer with grandma and grandpa in the Scottsdale retirement community. While his peers cavort at summer camp, he hits the early bird specials, takes the golf cart to the mailbox and learns to leave the pool at 11 a.m., when it starts to get hot. Instead of missing practices or combine drills for pulled muscles, Clowney's lumbago will act up. But at least he will be full of stories of how scary the 2014 Raiders defense would have been in the good old days, like 2010, when Tuck, Smith and Woodley could still play.

6. Falcons: Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville

The Falcons are one of the few teams in the top 10 who would derive zero benefit from a ready-to-play-immediately quarterback prospect.

7. Buccaneers: Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State

When it comes to cornerbacks, Lovie Smith is like the dude in the beret at the organic farmer's market. He can be a little fussy. Darrelle Revis? No, not with that precise skill set at that exorbitant price. Could you import some Alterraun Verner for me? Verner and Johnthan Banks stack the Bucs at cornerback. Dennard would help; after all, a cornerback of his talents can always help. But we could say the same about Revis.

8. Vikings: Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn

Robinson, Matt Kalil and Phil Loadholt star in the indie drama Three Pass Protectors in Search of Something Worth Protecting.

9. Bills: Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M

A Manziel-EJ Manuel prospect duel sounds like a lose-lose situation if ever there was one. More troublesome is Buffalo's weather and nonexistent social scene, which could have a negative effect on our favorite young bon vivant. Remember The Shining? Here's Johnny.

wtf-o.gif

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Guest fibonacci

#8 was definitely hilarious

But the best goes to #19- "Notjeff Nonireland" made me almost spew coffee all over my screen

you just wake up or in a decent west coast land?
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