Walterfootball April 1St Updated Mock: Honey Badger To Falcons

[g-dawg]

http://www.walterfootball.com/draft2013aprilfools_1.php

30)

Atlanta Falcons: Tyrann Mathieu, CB, LSU

We can all agree that something is missing from this Falcon team. They keep getting to the playoffs, but they always fall short. Something had to change. General manager Thomas Dimitroff was in agreement.

"I've spent my years in Atlanta drafting boring guys like Matt Ryan, so it's time to adjust my strategy," Dimitroff stated. "What I need to do is to add as many scumbags and bad-character people as possible. That will put us over the top."

That would explain Tyrann Mathieu. He probably shouldn't be classified as a scumbag, but he has been arrested quite a few times in his life. Unfortunately, for Dimitroff's plans, Mathieu has turned his life around.

"Thank you, good sir, for drafting me into your professional football organ-I-zation," Mathieu told Dimitroff in an English accent. "I vow to put forth my best effort and behave excellently while your employ."

Dimitroff's face reddened almost instantly.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!" Dimitroff shrieked. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BAD! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET MATT RYAN HIGH! GAHHHHH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY PLANS!?"

[SwampyMux12]

What?????????????

Tim Tebow only gets drafted twice? LOLOL

[Willy Mo]

U WOT M8?

[jayrockthabarber]

I'd be pissed!

[silentbob1272]

I liked

Green Bay Packers: Money

You could hear the swearing from the other side of Green Bay. It came from general manager Ted Thompson's office the night that Tony Romo signed his extension.

"F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***!" was heard echoing throughout the streets.

Thompson looked like he hadn't slept in ages when he took the podium in New York.

"Romo got a f***ing $108 million contract with $55 million guaranteed... that means I'm going to have to pay Aaron at least $180 million with $95 million guaranteed," Thompson groaned. "Ah God, I don't know how we're going to afford this. All we can do is to keep drafting money and hope it's enough."

Minnesota Vikings: Clean Urine

Ray Lewis almost got in trouble for using deer antler spray to heal his torn tricep. Fortunately for Lewis, it was not a banned substance, so he was able to participate in the Super Bowl. It doesn't appear as though Adrian Peterson was as lucky.

The NFL announced that Peterson tested positive for elephant tusk spray, which he used on his knee just prior to his near-record-breaking campaign.

Minnesota's plan, according to sources, is to ask the NFL to retest Peterson and to use the clean urine it selected with the 23rd-overall selection to make sure he doesn't test positive.

Elephant tusk spray has been on the banned substance list since 2004.

[tldr]

30. Falcons - Leon Sandcastle

I wouldn't mind that at all

[Kizu_7]

haha wonder how many people will only read the title

[XXVIII-III]

LAUGH OUT LOUD

[g-dawg]

Philadelphia Eagles: Jake Plummer, QB, Broncos

It's only been four picks, yet two ineligible quarterbacks have already been chosen, making this the craziest NFL Draft yet.

"Looks like the pipes in the NFL Draft are broken, so you better call the Jake Plummer!" Chris Berman exclaimed on ESPN's telecast.

Hundreds of Philadelphia media people gathered around Chip Kelly for some explanation for this befuddling selection.

"I'm new to this so-called National Football League, but from the three tapes I've watched already, I've recognized the types of quarterbacks who win at this level," Kelly said smugly. "Quarterbacks who throw tons of interceptions and lose a lot of fumbles are the ones you want to start. That's why we re-signed Michael Vick, and that's why we just drafted Jake Plummer."

So, who's going to start? Kelly shocked the media yet again.

"They're both going to start," Kelly stated. "I come from the superior Oregon program, and I can do whatever I please on offense. If I want to hold up pretty cards with pictures on them, I can do that. If I want to go for two each time, I can do that. And if I want to start two quarterbacks at the same time, I can do that too."

[g-dawg]

G-Dawg Take: Dayum, the bearded guy from the Men's Wearhouse almost slipped to Falcons at #1-30.....dayum, dayum, dayum!!!! He was almost ours!!!

29.New England Patriots: Bearded Guy from Men's Wearhouse

Bob Kraft has had enough. He could always put up with Bill Belichick's homeless man clothing style, but the straw finally broke the camel's back at a black-tie affair last week. Kraft showed up with two younger women on his arms and greeted Belichick, who was wearing his stinky hoodie. Kraft approached Belichick, but upon doing so, the two girls walked away in disgust because Belichick smelled so much.

Now at the draft, Kraft waltzed to the podium with a 25-year-old blonde around his arm.

"I'm in love with this woman," Kraft revealed. "This woman, Sally, is very special to m... oh, your name is Terry? Ha, didn't know that. But this Terry girl needs to be by my side, and for that to happen, I need Belichick to look good and smell good for a change. I'm sorry, Bill, but I couldn't live with myself if I lost Sally." The Bearded Guy from Men's Wearhouse will be tasked to dress Belichick in his finest, though this will prove to be quite a challenge. When he tried to remove Belichick's hoodie, the head coach hissed and sprayed venom on him.

[Peyton]

WalterFootball should stick to what they do poorly, because they are even worse at comedy.

[g-dawg]

WalterFootball should stick to what they do poorly, because they are even worse at comedy.

Peyton is more fun than a...

[Birdy™]

[Draftnut57]

http://www.walterfoo...prilfools_1.php

30)

Atlanta Falcons: Tyrann Mathieu, CB, LSU

We can all agree that something is missing from this Falcon team. They keep getting to the playoffs, but they always fall short. Something had to change. General manager Thomas Dimitroff was in agreement.

"I've spent my years in Atlanta drafting boring guys like Matt Ryan, so it's time to adjust my strategy," Dimitroff stated. "What I need to do is to add as many scumbags and bad-character people as possible. That will put us over the top."

That would explain Tyrann Mathieu. He probably shouldn't be classified as a scumbag, but he has been arrested quite a few times in his life. Unfortunately, for Dimitroff's plans, Mathieu has turned his life around.

"Thank you, good sir, for drafting me into your professional football organ-I-zation," Mathieu told Dimitroff in an English accent. "I vow to put forth my best effort and behave excellently while your employ."

Dimitroff's face reddened almost instantly.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!" Dimitroff shrieked. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BAD! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET MATT RYAN HIGH! GAHHHHH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY PLANS!?"

Write this one down.... That will never happen in any round... You can bet on that. Walters is usually a lot better about knowing the facts. I'm working hard on my Mock today.. Hope to get it together. It's a goodin.

[g-dawg]

Write this one down.... That will never happen in any round... You can bet on that. Walters is usually a lot better about knowing the facts. I'm working hard on my Mock today.. Hope to get it together. It's a goodin.

it has been reported that Falcons scheduled a workout with Tyrann Mathieu - so there is at least some merit to the Falcons "kickin' the tires" on the Honey Badger, Draftnut.

[EightyEight]

Write this one down.... That will never happen in any round... You can bet on that. Walters is usually a lot better about knowing the facts. I'm working hard on my Mock today.. Hope to get it together. It's a goodin.

Note to self, Draftnut doesn't get sarcasm..

Edited April 1, 2013 by EightyEight

[Peyton]

Note to self, Draftnut doesn't get sarcasm..

In his defense, he obviously didn't read the story at all. He just responded to the thread title.

[Draftnut57]

it has been reported that Falcons scheduled a workout with Tyrann Mathieu - so there is at least some merit to the Falcons "kickin' the tires" on the Honey Badger, Draftnut.

Ever heard of smoke screen? TD is very smart ...To smart to draft this guy ,, Bank on it.

[EightyEight]

In his defense, he obviously didn't read the story at all. He just responded to the thread title.

Haha, fair point.

[Kizu_7]

I know who that is ... not sure what that says about me

[Leland]

I know who that is ... not sure what that says about me

******* weaboo.

[Kizu_7]

******* weaboo.

not sure what that is ... and I'm afraid googling it might give my phone herpes

[Butudontseeme™]

April fools

[ruinah]

not sure what that is ... and I'm afraid googling it might give my phone herpes

The term has it's origins in 4chan's /b/, which should tell you everything you need to know. If it doesn't: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/subcultures/weeaboo

[kane#7]

1. New Orleans Saints: Jaqen H'ghar, DE/OLB, House Black & White
   No one in New Orleans is getting over the Bountygate penalties anytime soon. In fact, the Saints hold such a grudge that they're willing to do anything to dispose of Roger Goodell.
   "With the 15th pick in the 2013 NFL Draft, the New Orleans Saints select Jaquen H... oh s**t," Goodell said on live telecast.
   Goodell made a run for it, but Jaqen H'ghar appeared out of thin air and grabbed the commissioner by the throat. He then looked at head coach Sean Payton.
   "You stole one death from the Red God," Hagar said to Payton. "A man needs to be told to kill another man to pay this debt."
   Payton scratched his head and thought about it for a good minute.
   "Keep him for now," Payton said. "Maybe we can use this as leverage in the future."
   Goodell fell to the ground and cried in relief. Hagar, on the other hand, looked annoyed.
   "Gods are not mocked," he said to Payton. "This is no joking thing."
   {C}
   
2. St. Louis Rams: The Hound, OT, House Clegane
   When Jeff Fisher said that he wanted to protect Sam Bradford this season, he apparently was being quite literal.
   "We signed Jake Long, but that was just for football purposes," Fisher said. "We actually need someone to keep Bradford healthy off the field, you know, just in case some ninjas come out of the bushes and attack him."
   Ninjas? Why would ninjas attempt to injure Bradford? The quarterback was next to address the media.
   "I don't know how he's supposed to protect me," said a disgruntled Bradford. "The ninjas are everywhere, but all he does is get drunk and tell me to, 'sing, little bird.' I'm not a bird! I'm a quarterback!"
   

Dammit Saints get a badass.