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Roger Goodell Upholds Roger Goodell's Ruling


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Roger Goodell Upholds Roger Goodell’s Ruling, Says Roger Goodell

07.05.12 Written by Danger Guerrero

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"My unchecked authority is THIS big."

Earlier this week, NFL commissioner and burgeoning Bond villain Roger Goodell ruled on the appeals of the New Orleans Saints players involved in the bounty scandal. To the surprise of literally every person in the world and many of the animals, he upheld his own ruling on their punishments. I know. I’ll give you a second to clean up all the melted brain goo that just leaked out of your ears and onto the collars of your shirts.

In a ruling handed down on Tuesday, Goodell told Jonathan Vilma, Anthony Hargrove, Will Smith and Scott Fujita that each of them is still welcome to meet with him to give their side of the story, and that he reserves the right to reduce the suspensions should new information be brought forth.

Instead, however, the players intend to fight Goodell’s rulings through the federal court system.

The players have declined to meet with Goodell because they have argued that Goodell lacked the jurisdiction to rule in the matter and has violated the spirit of the league’s Collective Bargaining Agreement by making public statements about the case that demonstrated he could not be a neutral arbitrator.

[inside the NFL's corporate offices, where the suspended New Orleans Saints have come to plead their case to commissioner Roger Goodell]

Jonathan Vilma: Thank you for meeting with us, Commisi-

Roger Goodell: DENIED!

Jonathan Vilma: But I didn’t even say anything y-

Roger Goodell: DENIED!

Will Smith: Aren’t you going to let us expla-

Roger Goodell: DO THE FRESH PRINCE SONG!

Will Smith: What? No.

Roger Goodell: DO THE SONG FROM FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR.

Will Smith: I think you may be confused. I’m not that Will Smith. I’m a footba-

Roger Goodell: YES YOU ARE!

Will Smith: I’m really not. He’s like 10 years older than I am, and he lives in Calif-

Roger Goodell: I UPHOLD MY RULING THAT YOU ARE THE FRESH PRINCE!

Will Smith: But I-

Roger Goodell: APPEAL DENIED!

Scott Fujita: This is ridiculous. We don’t have to put up with this. We can just take it to a judge.

Roger Goodell: [is suddenly wearing a black robe and powdered wig] GUILTY!

Scott Fujita: What the-

Roger Goodell: I AM A JUDGE NOW.

Scott Fujita: You are not a judge. And what do you mean, “Guilty”? This is just an appea-

Roger Goodell: [banging gavel] OBJECTION!

Scott Fujita: Hold on. Judges don’t make objectio-

Roger Goodell: OVERRULED!

Anthony Hargrove: Let’s get outta here, man. This dude’s lost it.

Roger Goodell: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Anthony Hargrove: What?!

Roger Goodell: TAKE THEM TO THE GUILLOTINE AT DAWN! EXCEPT THE FRESH PRINCE. HE IS SENTENCED TO PERFORM AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.

Will Smith: For the last time, I’m not that W-

Roger Goodell: GUARDS! SEIZE THEM!

[A team of guards surrounds the Saints players and takes them to the NFL's underground dungeon]

Roger Goodell: [pushes intercom] HELEN, SEND IN JAMES HARRISON.

Helen: You had him beheaded yesterday, sir.

Roger Goodell: DENIED!

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U could just not open the thread. Then u would not have wasted my time.

Right back atcha

The article is funny (and true enough)... but if it was posted purely as sport, Ray, it's a classic case of the Boy crying Wolf.

The "Fresh Prince" line was hilarious

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Was there a flag?

NO

Get over it.

That's mild compared the stuff Roddy gets away with at times.

Roddy gets flagged to no end... Fans where ready to go rough him up if he drew another unsportsmanlike like conduct flag. Only thing worse than him dropping a pass was him getting flaged when he didn't.

The old saints CB gay, was the best at getting away with contact. Seemed like every play he was touching someone. Surprised he didnt get sued for sexual harassment as much as he had his hand on other players.

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Roddy gets flagged to no end... Fans where ready to go rough him up if he drew another unsportsmanlike like conduct flag. Only thing worse than him dropping a pass was him getting flaged when he didn't.

The old saints CB gay, was the best at getting away with contact. Seemed like every play he was touching someone. Surprised he didnt get sued for sexual harassment as much as he had his hand on other players.

Well, his name is Gay.

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Why don't you saints fans shut up read the CBA or go cheer on your new found buddy Stern some more.

I love how Ironic it is, all the Saints fans complaining that Goodell has to much power but then the Hornets get Anthony Davis, O we love the Hornets and David Stern he is an awesome commish.

You idiots are so ******** you fail to see the irony of it all.

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Why don't you saints fans shut up read the CBA or go cheer on your new found buddy Stern some more.

I love how Ironic it is, all the Saints fans complaining that Goodell has to much power but then the Hornets get Anthony Davis, O we love the Hornets and David Stern he is an awesome commish.

You idiots are so ******** you fail to see the irony of it all.

Thanks for that....you mad?

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Why don't you saints fans shut up read the CBA or go cheer on your new found buddy Stern some more.

I love how Ironic it is, all the Saints fans complaining that Goodell has to much power but then the Hornets get Anthony Davis, O we love the Hornets and David Stern he is an awesome commish.

You idiots are so ******** you fail to see the irony of it all.

name one poster in here that has said that

don't worry, I'll wait.

but I bet you don't come back and answer because either way you look like an idiot troll

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name one poster in here that has said that

don't worry, I'll wait.

but I bet you don't come back and answer because either way you look like an idiot troll

None here, but some on the other boards I've seen have.

This is stupid they signed the CBA which gave Goodell that power no one is going to win a lawsuit against it because it's in the CBA.

If you think the PA actually gives two ***** about Bountygate you're wrong, this is there opportunity to get what they couldn't during the CBA negotiations which is judicial oversight of Goodell's decisions.

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None here, but some on the other boards I've seen have.

This is stupid they signed the CBA which gave Goodell that power no one is going to win a lawsuit against it because it's in the CBA.

If you think the PA actually gives two ***** about Bountygate you're wrong, this is there opportunity to get what they couldn't during the CBA negotiations which is judicial oversight of Goodell's decisions.

good....so because a person said it on another message board, you bring it back here and use it to paint the Saints fans here.

do you even realize how stupid and petty that is?

as far as your view of the CBA goes, that point has been covered by legal experts and posts here already. yes, it was stupid by the NFLPA but your belief that it gives Goodell the right to do absolutely whatever he wants displays your ignorance of the legalities involved

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good....so because a person said it on another message board, you bring it back here and use it to paint the Saints fans here.

do you even realize how stupid and petty that is?

as far as your view of the CBA goes, that point has been covered by legal experts and posts here already. yes, it was stupid by the NFLPA but your belief that it gives Goodell the right to do absolutely whatever he wants displays your ignorance of the legalities involved

Should he have that right? no, but he does and that's the the end all be all.

Bountygate isn't getting over turned. Your **** fans needs to quit crying about it

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