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fun little script to read if ur bored

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i just found this from my old laptop that i got repaired, its from a couple years ago i took a summer class at a commuinity college, anyways me and my friend had a fine arts or something and for the final we had to put on a puppet show. we stole a script from norm macdonald and just changed the words around a bit. anyways thought someone might enjoy it.

(i only have half, my firned did the 2nd)

J: Good evening everybody. This is John Madden and I’m joined with Al Michaels. Now Al, The Panthers are at home and are the big favorites. But the question is, will they live up to that?

A: Well, John. They are big favorites. No question about it. Ten and a half points to be exact. Now lets say someone placed their life savings of 247 thousand dollars on the panthers to win by 10.5 points, that would mean if the panthers do indeed win, that would cover any bad wagers this person has placed in the past. Well, It’s like wiping the slate clean.

J: Well it’s clear the Carolina Panthers has all the tools on offense to dominate every game, but let’s face it. The Carolina Panthers are only as good as their star quarterback, Jake Delhomme.

A: You’re exactly right. A healthy Jake Delhomme has been dominant throughout this season, and further more the Panthers have been undefeated and covered the spread every single time. However, without Delhomme, the Panthers are as worthless as the Detroit Lions. Now with a healthy Jake out there, that bet looks to be money in the bank.

J: The question of course is, Is Jake Delhomme healthy?

A: Well I have heard no words to questions his health, his name was not on the injury list this week and seems to me he’s healthy as an ox.

J: Al, I ran into him this morning in the lockerroom and he looked pale, he complained of stomach pain and nausea… It looked like all the signs of a flu.

A: Ha! Are you kidding me. I see him and he looks as fine as ever. I’m telling you this accomplished veteran will easily cover the spread. Easily… not a doubt in my mind. Signs of a flu… What are you now John, a doctor? Are you Dr. John Madden now?

J:Of course I’m not a doctor, but I have as you might well know just gotten over a horrible case of the Puerto Rican Penquin Flu. And when I saw Jake, he displayed the same symptoms. There’s the kickoff, it sails into the endzone. So Jake and the Panthers will start at the 20 yard line. So let’s take a look at the Falcons Defense. The strong safety is…

A:What Symptoms!?

J:Well.. When I first had the Penquin Flu, I had nausea, stomach pain, chills, and extreme fatique. Here’s the snap, Jake falls back, Throws it deep, and he finds a wide open Steve Smith for a 80 yard touchdown pass!

A: Yes! And the Panthers are up 7-0 in the first minute of the game. Man John, Jake’s looking a little sick out there isn’t he? Hahaha. Hey let me ask you a question. When you had the Penquin Flu, was one of your symptoms throwing a 80 yard bomb for a touchdown? Hahah

J: No Al, but lets check in with Pam Oliver on the Panthers bench.

P: Well obviously, they’re feeling great. Jake Delhomme says his arm is feeling as good as ever. He has however complained about the temperature. Says it’s a bit too chilly for his liking.

J: Well it’s 94 degrees out here, so it’s almost definite that he has a case of the Penguin Flu.

A: Alright, enough with the Penquin Flu. Jake is looking fine to me and he will definitely cover the spread.

J: Welcome back, it’s half time and the third quarter is just seconds away. The Falcons are leading 24-7 with all their points coming directly off of turnovers from Jake Delhomme. And it looks as though Jake is looking considerably off his game.

A: 5 interceptions in a row… John, how does a guy throw 5 interceptions in a half.

J: Just a guess, but when I had the penquin flu, one of my symptoms was complete color blindness, and being able to differentiate colors is something a quarterback in this league must be able to do. Now let’s check in with Pam Oliver to get an update on Jake Delhomme.

P: I just talked to Jake and I got some good news. He says there’s nothing wrong with him anymore, and that he’s feeling a 100 percent. And he just went on record to as far as to guarantee a win.

J: Well, that’s good news for Panthers fans.

A: Hey… look at Jake. He’s looking great, he doesn’t look pale anymore. I think he’s okay..

J: It defeinitly looks as though it’s a brand new Jake Delhomme. He’s lining up for a snap, takes the snap and throws a strike for a 40 yard completion. What a throw! This is the classic Jake Delhomme the Panthers fans all know and love.

A: Oh man, what a throw indeed! It’s CLASSIC Jake Delhomme.

J: Jake Delhomme lines up in shotgun formation, takes the snap, scrambles out of the pocket, and zips a pass to Muhammad to the Falcons 5 yard line. Can you believe it!


J: Looks to me as if Jake Delhomme is sending the Falcons a message early in this third quarter.

A: And the message Jake is sending is simply this, we are going to win this game, and not only are we going to win, but we’re also going to win this by 10.5 points and we’re going to win a certain fella 247 thousand dollars. Haha..

J: Jake Delhomme sets back in I formation, throws it nowhere near Steve Smith’s vicinity, and it gets PICKED OFF by Falcon’s Chris Houston. He’s got nothing but turf in front of him. The 50 yard line, 30, 20, TOUCHDOWN Atlanta Falcons.

A:What? What happened?!?! I wasn’t looking!!

J: Jake Delhomme looks like he’s on the sidelines vomiting into a large bucket. His teammates are dumping out of the Gatorade cooler to give Jake somewhere to puke out all of his vomit. Yep… Looks like a classic case of the Penguin Flu

A: You Shut up! Now Pam, Jake is clearly not on his game. Is there any word of replacing him?

P: That’s another thing I wanted to touch up on. I just found out that Jake was so infused with confidence at half time that he sent his two backup quarterbacks home. He said it was his way of making a statement.

J: What a statement he made. Now as Jake Delhomme fills up his third Gatorade cooler with vomit, we’ll step away.

(if uve never heard this before, the ending goes as panthers are up 4 with seconds left and they can just run out the clock but instead delhomme muffs the snap and picks it back up and starts throwing up everywhere so falcons defenders run away from him, so delhome ends up walking into the enzone for the touchdown and wins by 11 points. the guy wins the 250 grand and is escatic and the kicker was that john madden bet his life savings on the under and that pushed it over so he commits suicide.)

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