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Nancy Grace

Nancy Ann Grace is an American legal commentator, television host, former prosecutor, hater of Duke lacrosse, lover of pant suits, and a ****. While many people are ***** for comedic value, Nancy Grace does not understand comedy, and is a **** because she's simply a bad person.

She frequently discusses issues from a victims' rights standpoint, with an outspoken style that has won her both condemnation and praise. The praise coming from avid fans of pant suits, the condemnation coming from everyone else, especially the makers of pant suits.

On her nightly current affairs show (which should be titled "Missing White Girls"), Grace takes pleasure in bullying guests and even her own crew. Mistreating people on national television is not all that bad, unless you consider the fact that she drove one guest to kill herself.

Oh, she also lied about the circumstances surrounding her fiancé's murder, but who doesn't?

Personal life

Nancy Grace was born on October 23, 1959. Yes, this the same day Weird Al Yankovic was born. And yes, Weird Al Yankovic commands more respect than Grace. While a Weird Al Yankovic performance has been known to kill, it doesn't actually, you know....kill.

Grace attended Valdosta University. A Google search for "Famous Valdosta Alumni" yields no matches. A Google search for "Famous Valdosta *****," however, redirects you to Nancy Grace's CNN profile.

Nancy Grace gave birth to twins on November 4, 2007, two months before their due date. Even her unborn children were dying to get away from her.

Lying about her fiancé's murder

At the age of 19, Nancy Grace's life took an unfortunate turn when her fiance, Keith Griffin, was murdered. It was the impetus for her to pursue a career as a felony prosecutor and a supporter of victims' rights.

According to her book, "Objection!," her fiance was murdered by Tommy McCoy, a stranger with a history of prior convictions. McCoy, she claims vehemently denied the charges after being arrested. Grace's suffering continued as the case dragged on, only to end after the jury deliberated for three days. After he was convicted, Grace recalled being asked if she wanted the death penalty, and in a moment of youthful pre-dickness, said no. After being sentenced to life in prison, McCoy began a series of appeals. When it was all said and done, Grace felt that the judicial system had failed to bring justice.

Considering her career path, this would be an inspiring tale, were it true. While nobody should have to endure the agony of a loved one's murder, Grace came into her own as a **** when it was revealed that there were several contradictions between Grace's statements and the actual events,

-Tommy McCoy was not a stranger. He was a former co-worker of Griffin's. He also had no police record.

-When arrested, McCoy admitted to the crime immediately.

-The jury deliberated for a few hours, not days.

-McCoy never filed an appeal.

-Prosecutors asked for the death penalty, but didn’t get it, because McCoy was "mildly ********." (This is ironic because most casual viewers think Nancy Grace is mildly ********.)

Career as a prosecutor

Grace worked for nearly a decade as a Special Prosecutor in the Atlanta-Fulton County, District Attorney's office. Given her tendency to play rousing rounds of "Make 'em Ups," it should have come as no surprise that a 1994 heroin drug trafficking case was declared a mistrial after she drew comparisons to unrelated murder and rape cases. Nancy Grace loves it when someone is murdered. It gives her an opportunity to talk about murder. To think about murder. To remind everyone that her fiance was murdered by a time traveler armed with an excalibur sword and a mace.

In 1997, she illegally led a CNN camera crew on a search of murder suspect W.W. Carr's house, which along with other factors, ultimately led to the dismissal of the case. The search was irrelevant anyway, as all the footage was of her scolding the boom operator and reminding the crew of the death of the only man who was not physically repulsed by her.

While her record as a prosecutor was impeccable, it should be noted that when Grace was unavailable to appear in court, the DA's office would just put a rabid dog with a bad haircut in the courtroom, and nobody would notice the difference.

During a 1995 interview, Grace was quoted as saying, "I am the system." Not the type to shy away from plagiarism, she clearly had just watched Judge Dredd, the film by popular action-****, Sylvester Stallone, and was ripping off the phrase, "I am the law!"

Career as a broadcaster

After leaving the Fulton County prosecutors' office, Court TV founder Steven Brill paired Grace with Jonnie Cochran for a legal commentary show. The show, originally called "Courtroom *****," was a major hit among people who want to kill themselves.

CNN then became jealous of Court TV's ****-dominance and offered Grace her own show on their Headline News Network.

Suicide of interviewee Melinda Duckett

In 2006, Nancy Grace graduated from **** to Awful Human Being during an interview with 21 year-old Melinda Duckett. Appearing on the show to answer questions about her missing son, Duckett was grilled by Grace.

"Why are you not telling us where you were? Grace demanded while pounding the table and taking a bite of a live deer. "Miss Duckett, you are not telling us for a reason. What is the reason?

The next day, before the airing of the show, Duckett shot herself, a death which relatives claim was influenced by media scrutiny, particularly from Grace.

The always compassionate Grace graduated from Awful Human Being to Devil in a Pant Suit when, even with the knowledge of the suicide, she decided to run the interview on national television. While Grace interviewed a dead woman, a a small yellow text box appeared at the bottom of the screen: "SINCE SHOW TAPING," it read, "BODY OF MELINDA DUCKETT FOUND AT GRANDPARENTS' HOME. Another box read: "I HAVE NO SHAME."

Duke Lacrosse Scandal

Also in 2006, Grace took a pro-prosecution stance throughout the 2006 case in which a female North Carolina Central University student falsely accused three members of the Duke University lacrosse team of raping her at a party.

This position gave Grace the opportunity to show off her comedic side. One zinger came when she sarcastically said, "I'm so glad they didn't miss a lacrosse game over a little thing like gang rape!" The joke killed. Just like she killed Melinda Duckett.

After asking fellow reporter Clark Goldband for "the stats," Grace was appalled when he jumped into a report on lacrosse statistics. She then berated him on live television, screaming "I don't mean the athletic stats. I meant the rape stats." Grace is an avid rape statistician, and presumably collects Rapers Cards (similar to baseball cards).

When the three players were acquitted of the charges, Grace acted like any **** would: On the following broadcast of her show, Grace was conveniently absent and a substitute reporter announced the removal of all charges.

Elizabeth Smart kidnapping

2006 was a busy year for Nancy Grace. It's amazing she found any time do a television show, what with all the tomdickery she was up to.

During the Elizabeth Smart case, Grace repeatedly claimed that the suspect Richard Ricci was guilty, solely on the basis that he had a criminal record and worked on the Smarts' home. It can safely be assumed that she thought he was "mildly ********," as well. Of course, Ricci had nothing to do with the kidnapping.

She then welcomed the victim, Elizabeth Smart, to the show and asked about the traumatizing experience. Smart skirted Grace's insensitive attempts to dredge up the horrific memories. Grace's questioning is so inane, Smart literally looks to someone off camera, seemingly saying, "who put this ***** on TV?"

Interview Tactics

Nancy Grace has a patented method of interviewing guests, based around the following steps:

1. Ask question.

2. If subject does not give desired answer, re-ask question louder.

3. Repeat until desired response or subject commits suicide.

Books

Grace "wrote" the book, "Objection! -- How High-Priced Defense Attorneys, Celebrity Defendants, and a 24/7 Media Have Hijacked Our Criminal Justice System." Un-notable was that Grace plagiarized 359 words spread sequentially across two pages, lifted without indication from a New York Times article (any **** would do that). What was notable was a passage about how she styles her hair:

"After eating a bowl of salt (It's great for that perfect scowl!), I wear a motorcycle helmet for three hours, which is just enough time to watch my daily viewing of The Accused. Then I recite a soothing mantra: 'Where's the girl? Where's the girl? You killed her, just admit it!' Then by the time I put on my favorite pant suit, I take off the helmet. And voila! You're ready to ruin the lives of others!"

Possibilities For Redemption

None. While many ***** are created by circumstance, Nancy Grace was begotten a ****. She has been, and always will be, in private and in public, a ****.

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No doubt she's in a **** league of her own.

The Duke Lacrosse case was priceless though, especially when Jon Stewart ripped her apart for it, and this classic piece.

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Nancy owned by Elizabeth Smart.

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The Duke Lacrosse case was priceless though, especially when Jon Stewart ripped her apart for it, and this classic piece.

name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="

type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>">

name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="

type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350">

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That was funny, NEVER F' with the control room

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Nancy owned by Elizabeth Smart.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Most inane interview question....EVER:

Nancy Grace - "You know, a lot of people have seen shots of you wearing a burka.....how did you see out of that thing??

:lol: :lol: :lol:

the links to that page never work here, because it censors the word ****. I tried to post a link here once. :angry:

Ooops...thanks, I'll have to remember that.

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