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fellas...would you stay with a woman who goes through your stuff?


crankdatfalcon
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okay so my fiance whom im suppose to be getting married to in april has gone through my personal emails, and my phone..she has found things that she thought was something, but turns out, it was nothing and she made a big deal about it. its happened 4 times, and on the 4th time she said she wouldnt do it again, but a couple of days ago, she went through my email again after sayin it just popped up when she got on the computer (yea right)...4 years together, almost 5, i dont know what to do...counsuling would not work for me because i dont know if i would feel comfortable living together forever with knowing that this could happen over and over again. but then again i do love her alot so i dont know what to do..

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Hey man, I'm in the same boat. Mine has constantly went through my stuff over the years and constantly nags me for having friends. I go out with a male friend she calls me a homo, I go out with a female friend and I'm banging her. It's caused me to place things on hold and rethink them as we have been together for 8 years and lived together for 2.

Good luck man, it can be hard.

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okay so my fiance whom im suppose to be getting married to in april has gone through my personal emails, and my phone..she has found things that she thought was something, but turns out, it was nothing and she made a big deal about it. its happened 4 times, and on the 4th time she said she wouldnt do it again, but a couple of days ago, she went through my email again after sayin it just popped up when she got on the computer (yea right)...4 years together, almost 5, i dont know what to do...counsuling would not work for me because i dont know if i would feel comfortable living together forever with knowing that this could happen over and over again. but then again i do love her alot so i dont know what to do..

You don't like a woman who goes through your stuff, while I agree you really only have three choices: get over it, turn gay, be alone...that's what women do.

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If you plan on getting married then you have nothing to hide.

I would just write down my username and password and leave it next to the computer. If she THINKS you have nothing to hide, she probably won't even look. The more you make a big deal out of it the more she will want to look.

i know i have nothing to hide, but its the principle..its my stuff..she knows how to work and go through my phone better than i do..its like i cant talk to any females without her thinkin im gettin down with them or about to..i can barely even go out with my dudes who ive been friends with for over 10 years anymore without coming in the house to her jibberish because 130 is staying out too late..4 years together, ive only been out with my boys 4 times, and each time i came back home, she complained...

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if we wasnt so close to getting married, then id do this, but money is involved, and i dont want to spend any more money on this wedding when theres a 50% chance its gonna happen. no refunds by the way..

Seriously...If I were you, I'd get out of that ASAP. I have a buddy that married a lady that is exactly the same. Now he has 2 kids with her and is miserable. He'll never leaver b/c of the kids...but his life blows.

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#1. Why is this woman so paranoid? Have u done anything to warrant this invasion, of sorts? Be honest with yourself.

#2. Change your frikin pass code to your email account and don't set it to automatically recognize you.

#3. Have a serious discussion with her on how she would feel if u did this to her. It might just be she's been cheated on, and maybe a couple of times and just doesn't trust relationships, which if the case would hamper a normal relationship.

#4. Relationships take a day by day action and reaction. U cannot take it for granted. Surprise her with flowers occassionally. Surprise her by showing up at her work at lunch with Chinese food. Take her to the park. Take her out on a scheduled date night, and make a big deal to make her dinner with candles and wine, and a well cooked meal.

#5. If she's scared u may not be able to save her, so allow yourself an out if thats the case.

I was engaged and it went south before we got to the wedding date. Best decision I made in the last 8 years.

Good luck.

all answer all your question

1..she is paranoid because of what her dad and grandad did..they didnt stay with their wives, or they did bad things, and that has been instilled into her life, and she brought that down on me..she is also paranoid because i have a couple of female friends from work whom ive texted every now and then and the conversation is work related..she has a trust issue due to her past.

2. the night she claimed my account just popped up when she got on, i close the page out for her to get on, and when she got on and opened up to check her email or whatver, my account was still active, and she clicked on my notes and read them..this is what she told me, now i know dang on well, if u go into anything like hotmail, or myspace or yahoo, if you close down the whole page, and go back to that same site, its not going to still be logged in.

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i know i have nothing to hide, but its the principle..its my stuff..she knows how to work and go through my phone better than i do..its like i cant talk to any females without her thinkin im gettin down with them or about to..i can barely even go out with my dudes who ive been friends with for over 10 years anymore without coming in the house to her jibberish because 130 is staying out too late..4 years together, ive only been out with my boys 4 times, and each time i came back home, she complained...

Man, I changed my mind. This chick needs a wake up call. Ditch her.

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easier said then done..we already live together which would probably make things hard..no kids tho..

I hear ya. I know it would be tough. But this thing about here going through your stuff, checking your email, etc. is only going to get worse. As long as you are ready for that.

You asked the question, and we're telling you our opinion.

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My wife was like that. I think you should get her into some counseling. The way I did things might not be the best way to handle things. But I got so sick of her always wanting to know who I was on the phone with, or who was I going out with. Or who was I texting or emailing that I just packed all her bags one day while she was gone. When she got back home I had them all lined up and told her if she can't trust me there is no reason to be living with me. I told her either trust me or get the heII on. I told her if she ever goes through my stuff again it's over. I didn't want it to be over, but I took a gamble that helped for a while. However I've come to see that my wife, much like your girl needs counseling. Because my wife is still too jealous, although she doesn't go through my stuff anymore (that I know of).

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It sounds like you two have some issues that either need to be worked out NOW, prior to moving forward or you 2 aren't fit to be together, even though u love each other. Its much harder to get things done when you r married. Here's a thought. Post Pone the wedding. Its your decision and not someone elses. Screw plans that will have to be changed, monies that are spent, cause if u go ahead with serious problems u will ultimatilly fail and really be miserable. Push this date off and settle these things. If she has issues, not yours then u are entitled to work it out. Women are territorial and really dont play well when other females are around, so Your gal pals should be pushed back, although it sounds like if its work, then its work. You have to establish your independance and that means u have a life outside her. If you give into her taunts and tantrums when u go out, and u are entitled to your free time, then tell her in a loving but firm way, that to corner u or styphle your time with friends will lead u to be angry. Its not fair for her to take away your friends, so resisting that and being firm will be the only choice for u. I've had many friends do this and they all end up unhappy. You have to be firm but fair. She will run over u if you back down on what U need and want. A relationship is a 50/50 prop. She has to understand that.

:mellow: we have already postponed the wedding twice...was suppose to get married this past april, but things came up so we pushed it back to sept..another problem, now, its april 09..

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My wife was like that. I think you should get her into some counseling. The way I did things might not be the best way to handle things. But I got so sick of her always wanting to know who I was on the phone with, or who was I going out with. Or who was I texting or emailing that I just packed all her bags one day while she was gone. When she got back home I had them all lined up and told her if she can't trust me there is no reason to be living with me. I told her either trust me or get the heII on. I told her if she ever goes through my stuff again it's over. I didn't want it to be over, but I took a gamble that helped for a while. However I've come to see that my wife, much like your girl needs counseling. Because my wife is still too jealous, although she doesn't go through my stuff anymore (that I know of).

That being the most important part...she still is, they all do it, its a compulsion... By and large, too many women have been screwed over too many times to ever completely trust men. Its a annoyance, but if you really love the girl, its not that big a deal.

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Sounds like that worked. My x-wife slapped me in public. I took her and her bags to the airport and dropped her off. I picked her up alittle later and she never did that again. So, yes, sometimes drastic steps need to be takin and there is always a risk that it will backfire, but if you allow undesireable behavior to persist then its your funeral.

I understand what you are saying but expecting a woman not to snoop is like expecting her not to bleed every month!!!!

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My wife was like that. I think you should get her into some counseling. The way I did things might not be the best way to handle things. But I got so sick of her always wanting to know who I was on the phone with, or who was I going out with. Or who was I texting or emailing that I just packed all her bags one day while she was gone. When she got back home I had them all lined up and told her if she can't trust me there is no reason to be living with me. I told her either trust me or get the heII on. I told her if she ever goes through my stuff again it's over. I didn't want it to be over, but I took a gamble that helped for a while. However I've come to see that my wife, much like your girl needs counseling. Because my wife is still too jealous, although she doesn't go through my stuff anymore (that I know of).

hmmmmmmmmmmmm..good advice..real good, i think i might do this..this will be a good slap in the face to show her im not playin. preciate it..

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:mellow: we have already postponed the wedding twice...was suppose to get married this past april, but things came up so we pushed it back to sept..another problem, now, its april 09..

LOL, your situation sounds just like mine.

Only when we moved in together I put everything in my name which means if she leaves I get stuck with all the bills but at least the stuff is mine. I think she resents me for it but oh well.

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