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Divorce issues-children, finances, etc


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to the woman who is a lawyer (oregon___), I appreciate your answer, but I am just protesting the idea that she would get physical custody and not split 50% apiece. Why should she? I have been incredibly involved with my children's life at every level. What really upsets me is to hear basically "it shouldnt be what the parents want, instead it's what is in the best interest of the child as the courts see it".

WHY DO THE COURTS KNOW BETTER THAN I DO ABOUT MY OWN CHILDREN????? That's basically a stalinist view in my opinion. All I hear about is the 'hassle and confusion' of putting children in two different homes, but that seems minimal compared to not seeing their father LESS THAN A THIRD of the time. Someone else said the kids could be in one house for one week and the other house the next. That seems better to me. Right now I'm looking at a picture of my kids with me and it's infuriating to think someone else will decide to basically separate me from their lives bc they know what is best...

Not mad at you at all...you are only showing the reality of the situation. I am just protesting the situation.

The reason the court's are charged with determining what is in the best interests of the children is because oftentimes the parents are unable to do so and put their (the parents) needs/wants ahead of the children's needs. For example, you say that having the children in two different homes is "minimal." As a person who has/does represent children, I can tell you it is not "minimal" to kids. Step away from what you want for a minute, and think about what it would be like for children (you know, the little people who are "concrete thinkers" and require consistency, stability, predictability, structure, etc.), to essentially have two homes. How do you see that working on a practical day-to-day basis? Two schools? Two different t-ball, soccer, whatever, teams? Two different daily routines? What about the bind you put them in when it comes to you and your ex-spouse? Kids may be kids, but they're not stupid...which means they know Mom and Dad aren't getting along and are upset with each other. What are they supposed to do? Never say anything to you about their life outside of their time with you, knowing that to do so may make you sad, mad, frustrated, depressed...or worse, touch off an argument between you and their mother? And if all that weren't enough, they get to turn around and do the same thing all over again when they are with their Mom. Of course, all this fun will have to be wedged in between the time spent traveling from one home to another.

If you want to be the primary physical custodian, then by all means you should file pleadings with the court saying that. However, I am going to tell you to get off the dime with that...if you wait until Mom and the kids have moved (in or out of state) to make that argument, you will be up against what are called status quo laws, which essentially say that, unless it is in the best interests of the children to do so, the status quo will not be disturbed.

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