Jump to content

Divorce issues-children, finances, etc


Recommended Posts

I've been married ten years with two young kids. can you pls answer the following questions?

- For arguments sake, let's say I earn about 100,000 and my wife 50,000. I've also been putting away 20% in my 401k all these years. How much do I stand to lose (pay yearly for child support etc) and what would they take out of the 401k

- could my wife take the kids away to her hometown in Alabama? what could I do to stop this or do I have no choice?

- how long would the process take and how expensive?

- most importantly, how often could I see my kids? I have been VERY involved in their lives, but hear horror stories about fathers only seeing their children about four days out of every two weeks. Does it all come down to a judge's arbitrary decision? Is there anyway I could see them half the time if my wife didn't want me to? It just seems like I'd become more like an uncle to them than a father! I'd rather stay in the marriage and suffer all my life, frankly, to be near them.

- If I'm a young looking 43, would it be hard to find attractive women to date in their thirties, or would having kids and not a lot of money make it difficult?

your advise is MUCH appreciated

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 50
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Your 401k assets would be pooled. So if you have $200k and she has $50k in assets, you'd both split $125k. You'd pay child support and alimony (most likely) in GA. The court is pretty partial in that regard.

Divorce is only expensive when the parties disagree on assets, which is pretty much always.

I don't think she could take the kids to Alabama if you have dual custody of the children.

I have no idea what kind of player skills you have, but my guess is if you have to ask, you might not like the answer...

I'm not a lawyer, but as a former financial advisor, I'm giving you my anecdotal evidence from the couples I've seen go through it. If people knew how ****** divorce really was, they'd think twice about marriage.

Link to post
Share on other sites
any other comments, esp about how often a man can see his kids ??? it all sounds so terrible, I don't think I could go through with it thanks!

Custody battles will almost always tilt toward the mother. If you have anything going against you, such as working long hours, travelling, etc, that stuff plays against you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
any other comments, esp about how often a man can see his kids ??? it all sounds so terrible, I don't think I could go through with it thanks!

That depends on so many variables. Like what your wife wants and how good both attorneys are. And how stupid you've been. Had an affair or put your children in danger, and you'll have a tough time. Been a good father and it's just a marriage that didn't work out, and you'll be more likely to get a good amount of time. Hopefully it's the latter, and your wife sees that her children need their father.

Your last question about finding attractive 30 year-olds makes me want to throw up. Would you really consider that when it comes to divorce?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Marriage, legally, is a hoax.

Why does it matter if I'm legally married or divorced? I'll be with a girl, we should be able to consent to marriage as an agreement between us, and have our families/friends know about it so it's legitimate. No need for lawyers and licenses.

That's how it was done back in the good days.

I say stay married legally, just live apart and date other people. You won't be really married as you can agree to be apart and not married.

Link to post
Share on other sites
That depends on so many variables. Like what your wife wants and how good both attorneys are. And how stupid you've been. Had an affair or put your children in danger, and you'll have a tough time. Been a good father and it's just a marriage that didn't work out, and you'll be more likely to get a good amount of time. Hopefully it's the latter, and your wife sees that her children need their father.

Your last question about finding attractive 30 year-olds makes me want to throw up. Would you really consider that when it comes to divorce?

Typical female response here. How about we don't do the double standard Saturday. How stupid he's been? What if it's the wife having the affair and being stupid. He probably still doesn't have a snowball's chance of getting his kids. This is 2008 and the father ought to have just as much right getting custody of his kids as the wife if both are equally good parents, but the sad part is the judicial system is stuck in the stone ages. One more note, if his estranged wife was the one cheating then I don't blame the dude for wanting to get back on the horse again and ride. Saddle up ket222 and bang everything you can even if it does make Saturday puke. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

several things to consider.

child support is 20% of the difference of your annual salary.

she will get at least half of the assets including the 401K

make sure you get to claim them on taxes every other year it is a big break for a single parent.

Most likely you will be looking at one night a week, every other weekend, every other holiday, vacation in the summer. If you are extremely lucky you could get split time which is equal time for both parents and it works 2 different ways- one week and one week, or a 4-3 3-4 week. say you would get the kids Sunday-Tuesday one week and the next week you would get them Saturday-Tuesday.

you must have both split legal and physical custody to keep her from moving back to Ala.

I have done most of this over time. She had custody first. Then we went to the 4/3 - 3/4. Then I got custody when she wanted to move and start a new family and I blocked the move. He is 15 now and I have had him since he was 4.

Get a great lawyer you will need it she has the advantage when she walks in court unless you can prove she abuses the kids or does drugs. If not she will win you just have to fight the amount.

Link to post
Share on other sites

20% for one child, 28% for 2. But those aren't set in stone if she is working, they can be adjusted down.

As far as assets, the only ones that are fair game, should be the ones that have been gained since the marriage.

As far as how much you see your kids, you need to think about what is best for them, not you. They don't necessarily need to ferried off every 3 or 4 days for visitation.

Divorce and custody are 2 separate things. You can revisit custody situations almost as often as you'd like. It just costs money.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've been married ten years with two young kids. can you pls answer the following questions?

- For arguments sake, let's say I earn about 100,000 and my wife 50,000. I've also been putting away 20% in my 401k all these years. How much do I stand to lose (pay yearly for child support etc) and what would they take out of the 401k

- could my wife take the kids away to her hometown in Alabama? what could I do to stop this or do I have no choice?

- how long would the process take and how expensive?

- most importantly, how often could I see my kids? I have been VERY involved in their lives, but hear horror stories about fathers only seeing their children about four days out of every two weeks. Does it all come down to a judge's arbitrary decision? Is there anyway I could see them half the time if my wife didn't want me to? It just seems like I'd become more like an uncle to them than a father! I'd rather stay in the marriage and suffer all my life, frankly, to be near them.

- If I'm a young looking 43, would it be hard to find attractive women to date in their thirties, or would having kids and not a lot of money make it difficult?

your advise is MUCH appreciated

Why are you contemplating divorce? It's a nightmare and the pain is too big of a cost.

Link to post
Share on other sites
20% for one child, 28% for 2. But those aren't set in stone if she is working, they can be adjusted down.

As far as assets, the only ones that are fair game, should be the ones that have been gained since the marriage.

As far as how much you see your kids, you need to think about what is best for them, not you. They don't necessarily need to ferried off every 3 or 4 days for visitation.

Divorce and custody are 2 separate things. You can revisit custody situations almost as often as you'd like. It just costs money.

WRONG!!!

A) The law changed about 1 1/2 years ago. GA no longer uses the 28% rule but rather both incomes and a new caluclator grid to figure it out. This is a much fairer way of calculating support. Seeing as how you make twice as much her your cut will be greater but not 28% of your gross.

B) Assets are subject to how long you were married, meaning after 10 years, you can expect to give a sizable amount.

C) As for the kids, my best advice would be NOT to leave the house....judges don't look favorably on abandonment. If she is the one that wants the divorce, tell her she can go live her life without any worries but the kids stay and that you'll handle things while she gets settled. And pray she is stupid enough to take you up on it. That's what I did and I got the bigger portion of custody.

D) If you want out, be careful of what you agree to because unlike what the previous poster said, custody and support won't change without a good reason. When you give up your share of custody or shirk your responsibility during separation, you are telling the court that you love the kids but not as much as the other parent. Barring a drug-induced killing spree, no judge is gonna change the final decision.

Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all thanks for everyone's thoughtful reply.

That said, what you say is EXTREMELY discouraging. The idea of only seeing my own children 4 out of every 14 days -well, it's unimaginable. I adore them no less than she. I guess this just means my entire life is screwed and I have no choice but to be miserable. The minister didn't really tell me this part on 'that happy day'.

Why can't there be a law which basically says unless you have been abusive, both parents split time with the kids (if they both want that--in fact many fathers may not, but for those that do...)? Why is the 'new man' told to be involved with the parents more than our fathers, but we have no rights when this happens?

To the woman who responded, I didn't mean to offend. First off, I haven't cheated or been abusive. Second, I mentioned finding other women because I don't want to go through life alone. I'd like to find someone else at some point, although not in the near future. I wanted to know if having been divorced with two kids and little money left over has been hard on guys looking for people to date. According to your picture, you are attractive, so I don't know why wanting someone attractive (intelligence is part of that, good personalilty, etc) is such a nauseating concept to you...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, you need to at LEAST consult an attorney, just to get your head level. If you decide to go through with it the MONEY spent wont't matter as much as the HURT of going through the process. As far as custody goes, if you can't get her to agree on the terms, you're gonna have to fight for every bit of time you want to spend with your kids, just be ready for it.

Whatever happens, Good Luck man.

Link to post
Share on other sites
To the woman who responded, I didn't mean to offend. First off, I haven't cheated or been abusive. Second, I mentioned finding other women because I don't want to go through life alone. I'd like to find someone else at some point, although not in the near future. I wanted to know if having been divorced with two kids and little money left over has been hard on guys looking for people to date. According to your picture, you are attractive, so I don't know why wanting someone attractive (intelligence is part of that, good personalilty, etc) is such a nauseating concept to you...

It bugged me because it came across that you were considering that as a reason to get or not get a divorce. And I think WAY more important things should come into play besides being able to find an attractive person to date to determine if you should end a marriage. It's just the whole "if something better comes along" concept. Marriage just means more to me than that.

And I didn't think you had cheated or been abusive. I was just trying to point out variables that come into play when judges decide on custody. And I assume your wife hasn't, either, but if she has, the same things would fall into play with her. I wasn't telling you what "ought" to happen in 2008. I was telling you what probably would based on my experience.

But, I will try to answer your question...I have a fair number of friends in their 30s who are not married. Some want to be, some don't. But they all pretty much realize that at this stage in life, they are likely to end up with a man who has kids. It's not a deal-breaker for anyone. But sometimes the baggage that comes along with that is a deal-breaker (bad divorce, bad custody situation, etc.). I wouldn't worry about the $ part - it is what it is, and if someone is dating you for money, you'll be right back in divorce court.

The children situation is tough. I taught school for a few years, and the worst thing I saw were custody agreements where the kids went with Mom on Mondays and Wednesdays and Dad on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then one parent every other weekend. It was a NIGHTMARE for the kids. They had no idea where they were going and were in a constant state of upheaval. And they had no say about it. So if you are going to split time, I would recommend doing a week at one parent and a week at the other. That works out better for school, vacation time, etc. The best thing that you both can do for them is work out a way where everybody wins. And be flexible if your ex needs help or needs to change days, etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm not a lawyer, but as a former financial advisor, I'm giving you my anecdotal evidence from the couples I've seen go through it. If people knew how ****** divorce really was, they'd think twice about marriage.

They SHOULD think twice about divorce. That's the real problem -- when people say "I do," they don't really mean it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...