Headshot

Who is more retarded than me?

203 posts in this topic

Heådshø (4/17/2008)
That's actually a pretty good idea....

And Headshot - I know you may not like the idea of this, but if you have a gym membership, go in during a pilates lesson, it works dude....

Homes, how do you think I met her? I was at the gym late at night just as they were about to close up. Her palates class had just ended and she had like 400 bags she was trying to carry, so I offered to help her carry some to her car.

She actually made all the moves, all I did was carry the bags. After I helped load them into her car she was like "Thanks, that was really sweet of you" and then she asked me what days I come to the gym on and I said Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays and she said "Wow me too, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." So the next night we kinda met up and did some treadmill and ##### together and were talking and it just kinda went from there. We ate dinner later in the week and then I sent her a text message saying I had her ****** on lockdown.

#####ing smooth right? I thought so.

....like glass:laugh:

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ty down (4/17/2008)
Heådshø (4/17/2008)
ty down (4/17/2008)
My friend called me today while I was at work to tell me this story. Headshot everyone does something stupid in their lives, so don't dwell on it. There's another pilates chick around the corner. I could give ya some more ****** stuff to make ya feel better, but ya know why God made you to hurt, so you don't do it again. Good stuff though you got me rollin.

I'm not depressed over it or anything, it's not like I'm never going to have sex again. I just really wanted to have sex with this girl to see how many different ways I could bend her. I wasn't that interested in having a meaningful relationship with her.

I mean come on, she does palates and dance, I do keg stands and watch football. If it wasn't for the fact that she thought I was really funny and "sweet" I don't think I ever would have had a chance.

I got ya! Is there anyway you can play it off, like Hey what's thatish you were talkin to my brother, He stole my phone and now I see some funky messages.

Nah man I already posted the phone conversation we had where I made an even bigger azz of myself. I feel it may be time to move on.

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tipp78 (4/17/2008)

 

Thats the smartest thing I have ever heard anyone say...

Pssshhh I would probably just give up and move on...Plenty more out there.

I advise him to go after one of her friends also.

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Headshot, I am really sorry, but I am laughing so hard at this, I am crying!!  The phone conversation just topped it perfectly.  

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Heådshø (4/17/2008)
It only gets worse from there.

So she calls me today, and I'm nervous as ##### about answering for fear of what she might say. She calls twice first and I don't answer it, because I spent all night last night jerkin it to compensate for the fact that this was going to be an uneventful weekend instead of trying to come up with something halfway #####ing intelligent to say to her.

So lunch time rolls around, and she calls again, so I answer. She says "Hey" and I say "Hey" and then there's this real long, awkward pause.

Her: "So what the ##### is wrong with you?"

Me: "Nothing, what are you talking about?"

Her: "What was that ##### you sent me last night?"

Me: "What?" :w00t:

At this point my mind is racing trying to think of something, and I tell her the only thing I can think of-- "It was just a joke, I thought you'd laugh at it. We're both somewhat adults, I thought I could make that kind of joke."

Are you #####ing kidding me? I just said the dumbest ##### I could have possibly said.

Her: "Oh my God you're such an ###hole. I'm not stupid you know, I know you didn't mean to send that to me. You were probably trying to send it to one of your stupid friends so you guys could celebrate."

Another long awkward pause.

Her: "Well, are you going to say anything?"

Me: "You're already saying it, I'm an ###hole and I'm incredibly immature."

Her: "Yeah, you are. We just met a week ago, and already you're telling you're friends that you're going to have sex with me? And you tell them that you will "probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday?" Wow, that's really #####ing romantic. Just to let you know, you won't, so you can send all of your friends back a text message saying that you're a ##### and you just ruined any chance you had with me."

Me: "Did I have a chance?"

At this moment she says something that I will hear over and over again for a long while.

Her: "I bought new stockings and panties, and a lace bra just for this weekend. Sucks doesn't it ###hole?" *click*

So there you have it, the epic fall from grace of Headshot. I suppose next time I'll wait until after I've sealed the deal to inform someone.

WOW. I actually felt the chill off her last line. Some of them are just too smart :cool:

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Nice :smooooth:

*Don't give up that easy.  Let the chase begin!  She already told one of her friends too.  ****, do you think she went shopping for that gear by herself? :cool:

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You might as well join another gym or just go on opposite days now cause she is gonna warn any girl she sees you talking to about your ****** lockdown tactics.

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Beau J (4/17/2008)
Heådshø (4/17/2008)
It only gets worse from there.

So she calls me today, and I'm nervous as ##### about answering for fear of what she might say. She calls twice first and I don't answer it, because I spent all night last night jerkin it to compensate for the fact that this was going to be an uneventful weekend instead of trying to come up with something halfway #####ing intelligent to say to her.

So lunch time rolls around, and she calls again, so I answer. She says "Hey" and I say "Hey" and then there's this real long, awkward pause.

Her: "So what the ##### is wrong with you?"

Me: "Nothing, what are you talking about?"

Her: "What was that ##### you sent me last night?"

Me: "What?" :w00t:

At this point my mind is racing trying to think of something, and I tell her the only thing I can think of-- "It was just a joke, I thought you'd laugh at it. We're both somewhat adults, I thought I could make that kind of joke."

Are you #####ing kidding me? I just said the dumbest ##### I could have possibly said.

Her: "Oh my God you're such an ###hole. I'm not stupid you know, I know you didn't mean to send that to me. You were probably trying to send it to one of your stupid friends so you guys could celebrate."

Another long awkward pause.

Her: "Well, are you going to say anything?"

Me: "You're already saying it, I'm an ###hole and I'm incredibly immature."

Her: "Yeah, you are. We just met a week ago, and already you're telling you're friends that you're going to have sex with me? And you tell them that you will "probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday?" Wow, that's really #####ing romantic. Just to let you know, you won't, so you can send all of your friends back a text message saying that you're a ##### and you just ruined any chance you had with me."

Me: "Did I have a chance?"

At this moment she says something that I will hear over and over again for a long while.

Her: "I bought new stockings and panties, and a lace bra just for this weekend. Sucks doesn't it ###hole?" *click*

So there you have it, the epic fall from grace of Headshot. I suppose next time I'll wait until after I've sealed the deal to inform someone.

WOW. I actually felt the chill off her last line. Some of them are just too smart :cool:

Tell me about it. I don't know if it's true or not, it could have just been one of those things girls say that #####ing eats away at your soul.

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Mathis81WR (4/17/2008)
You might as well join another gym or just go on opposite days now cause she is gonna warn any girl she sees you talking to about your ****** lockdown tactics.

Ho....ly....#####. I didn't even think about that.

I may have messed myself up more than I originally thought.

****** and there all going to be in the same dressing room and ##### and she'll tell all of them. I'm #####ed. I am truly, honestly #####ed. My #1 reason for going to the gym just went up in smoke.

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Heådshø (4/17/2008)
Mathis81WR (4/17/2008)
You might as well join another gym or just go on opposite days now cause she is gonna warn any girl she sees you talking to about your ****** lockdown tactics.

Ho....ly....#####. I didn't even think about that.

I may have messed myself up more than I originally thought.

****** and there all going to be in the same dressing room and ##### and she'll tell all of them. I'm #####ed. I am truly, honestly #####ed. My #1 reason for going to the gym just went up in smoke.

Dude, you have an excellent opportunity here. Women love guys who have learned their lesson and turned over a new leaf. Just keep playing the "I'm sorry and I've learned my lesson" card and you are golden.

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falconfoozball (4/18/2008)
Dude.  Owned. 

449437897_3b70370d4a.jpg?v=0

:laugh:

Wow man, that was too funny. I had to put my head down on my desk to try and muffle my laughter.

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BillyWitchDoctor (4/18/2008)

Wow man, that was too funny. I had to put my head down on my desk to try and muffle my laughter.

Not nearly as funny as Headshot's story, though.  That is American Pie Hollywood type ish, right there.

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Mommabird peeking in on boy talk. LMAO! That was hysterical, especially the part about eating a sandwich. You should be a comedy writer. Thanks, for the laughs.:D:D

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I'm glad everyone is getting such a kick out of this.

I've decided to resume the chase. I can't go out like a chump, I have to rectify this situation with a naked victory. This should make for an interesting chase, and will give me a break from stupid drunk Georgia State sorority girls who will have sex with you if you tell them you're a minor league baseball player...entirely different story:w00t:

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Is this the kind of ****** that drools and rubs sh#t in his hair and all that? 'Cause I'm gonna have a hard time eatin' around that kind of thing now....just like I am with antique furniture and midgets. I can't so much as drink a glass of water around a midget or a piece of antique furniture.

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Heådshø (4/18/2008)
I'm glad everyone is getting such a kick out of this.

I've decided to resume the chase. I can't go out like a chump, I have to rectify this situation with a naked victory. This should make for an interesting chase, and will give me a break from stupid drunk Georgia State sorority girls who will have sex with you if you tell them you're a minor league baseball player...entirely different story:w00t:

Sounds like Ga.State girls are real easy!

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Steve_Bartkowski (4/18/2008)
falconfoozball (4/18/2008)
BillyWitchDoctor (4/18/2008)

Wow man, that was too funny. I had to put my head down on my desk to try and muffle my laughter.

Not nearly as funny as Headshot's story, though. That is American Pie Hollywood type ish, right there.

Next thing you know he's going to marry this girl. Then at the wedding he'll decide to shave his pubes then he'll quickly have to dump the pube excess out the window and it will land in his wedding cake... :ermm:

Not before he sticks his ##### in a warm apple pie and proceeds to ##### it!

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