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Who is more retarded than me?

203 posts in this topic

Heådshø (4/16/2008)
In a juvenile and immature attempt to notify one of my friends that I was in the process of trying to have sexual intercourse with a girl I just met and that I quote "Would probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday" I accidentally sent it to said ****** bearer.

Suicide plz.

D, JD Priest.

That's a MAJOR #####-up!

Turn in your man-card now. :P

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Heådshø (4/16/2008)
You actually made me LOL right there. Now, would you care to post a picture of said girl or provide a description?

I don't have pictures, but even if I did I wouldn't go posting them on the internet. But as far as description goes- She's a palates freak, so she has a really slim figure, but not anorexic skinny or anything like that. Brunette, green eyes, kinda lacking in the trunk and chesticle area, but she's a small girl, ain't ##### she can do about it really. She makes up for it with a killer set of legs and gorgeous face though, beautiful smile and eyes that have the power to hypnotize.

##### that was gay.

All in all she's a solid 8.

UPDATE: As I was typing this, I received a text message simply saying "No you won't"

I'm gonna go stick my **** in an electrical outlet now, catch you cats later.

See now your electrical socket is wise to your plan and will turn you down as well. Slow learner, huh?:P

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Heådshø (4/16/2008)
I just realized that I didn't mention that this was a text message.

I had just got off the phone with her, and I guess I subconsciously scrolled to her name and began typing. When I hit send and I saw it was going to her I smashed that #####ing END button like no one's business in a feeble attempt to somehow cancel it.

Then I just sat there hopelessly, watching my dream of a naked Saturday evaporating. Then I cried, and made myself a sandwich.

:laugh:

Man's never-ending quest for poo-tang!

It makes ******* out of us all!

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Heådshø (4/16/2008)
You actually made me LOL right there. Now, would you care to post a picture of said girl or provide a description?

I don't have pictures, but even if I did I wouldn't go posting them on the internet. But as far as description goes- She's a palates freak, so she has a really slim figure, but not anorexic skinny or anything like that. Brunette, green eyes, kinda lacking in the trunk and chesticle area, but she's a small girl, ain't ##### she can do about it really. She makes up for it with a killer set of legs and gorgeous face though, beautiful smile and eyes that have the power to hypnotize.

##### that was gay.

All in all she's a solid 8.

UPDATE: As I was typing this, I received a text message simply saying "No you won't"

I'm gonna go stick my **** in an electrical outlet now, catch you cats later.

Dude, you're making me fall on the floor out of pure laughter right now! Please stop!:P

As for the boobs, all you need is a handful my friend.

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Heådshø (4/16/2008)
BillyWitchDoctor (4/16/2008)
Heådshø (4/16/2008)
You actually made me LOL right there. Now, would you care to post a picture of said girl or provide a description?

I don't have pictures, but even if I did I wouldn't go posting them on the internet. But as far as description goes- She's a palates freak, so she has a really slim figure, but not anorexic skinny or anything like that. Brunette, green eyes, kinda lacking in the trunk and chesticle area, but she's a small girl, ain't ##### she can do about it really. She makes up for it with a killer set of legs and gorgeous face though, beautiful smile and eyes that have the power to hypnotize.

##### that was gay.

All in all she's a solid 8.

UPDATE: As I was typing this, I received a text message simply saying "No you won't"

I'm gonna go stick my **** in an electrical outlet now, catch you cats later.

Never tried that before....

It doesn't fit unless you're a beetle, but if you pee you'll get the desired effect, which for me is death.

We should just throw you a kegger w/nothing but hot girls.

That, or just go get a Playboy, preferably the one w/Maria of the WWE on the cover, HOLY ##### SHE'S FINE!, jack-off, and go to bed. You'll feel better then sticking your ##### in a socket.

Geez I can't type this w/o laughing.

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Ronald loves the falcons (4/16/2008)
GEORGIAfan (4/16/2008)
Heådshø (4/16/2008)
WTA (4/16/2008)
That sucks, man...

If it makes you feel any better, I once called the cops on myself to get myself a DUI.

True story.

LOL why the ##### would you do that? That might be more ******** than me. Atleast mine didn't end up in a criminal offense.

That reminds me of a time when I was 16 years old, and I was s###hammered. We had been drinking and smoking all night long and I'm scrolling through my phone to find my friend Brad who for whatever reason everyone just called Homie, and he was listed in my phone as such. Unfortunately, so was 'Home.'

So, when my dad picks up the phone at 1 o'clock in the morning and hears me saying "Dude where the ##### are you you c###sucker you went to get beer like an hour ago, by the time you get back the weed is going to be gone" suffice to say he was none to pleased. When I got home the next day he actually pulled me out of the truck and hit me so hard up against the side of my head that my knees gave out and I crumbled to the ground.

Good times.

##### thats probably what my parents would do if i even smoked weed, and they caught me.

**** my dad beat my brother with a hose for being arrested.

##### im not worried about my dad, im worried about my mom, and my parents are ethiopian, so they are SUPER ANTIweed.

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My friend's brother was going to breathe fire, and when he had his mouth full of the alcohol, he took a deep breath...and then they called the paramedics, he got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns to his esophogus, stomach, lungs, mouth, etc.

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stumpjumper (4/17/2008)
My friend's brother was going to breathe fire, and when he had his mouth full of the alcohol, he took a deep breath...and then they called the paramedics, he got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns to his esophogus, stomach, lungs, mouth, etc.

Ouch. Headshot I think you have some competition. Hope your friend is alright though.

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He's fine now. My other friend is a sheriff's deputy, he was called to the scene for some reason, and thats how we found out. We all call the guy that tried to breathe fire Houdini from now on, it's a good laugh.:laugh:

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This is totse material.

Theres just one thing missing:

Step 1: Drug her

Step 2: Rape

Step 3: ?????

Step 4: PROFIT!!!

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Heådshø (4/16/2008)
In a juvenile and immature attempt to notify one of my friends that I was in the process of trying to have sexual intercourse with a girl I just met and that I quote "Would probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday" I accidentally sent it to said ****** bearer.

Suicide plz.

If you had controlled the desire to speak those negative words to anyone you would not be in this mess.

KARMA

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I actually laughed out loud reading this. I think everyone has accidentally sent a text message, but that takes the bank. If this is screaming HOF, I don't know what is..

Keep us updated Headshot, if there's any :D

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Heådshø (4/16/2008)
In a juvenile and immature attempt to notify one of my friends that I was in the process of trying to have sexual intercourse with a girl I just met and that I quote "Would probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday" I accidentally sent it to said ****** bearer.

Suicide plz.

Wanna get away?

Southwest_Airlines_logo.jpg

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rev_hal (4/17/2008)
Heådshø (4/16/2008)
In a juvenile and immature attempt to notify one of my friends that I was in the process of trying to have sexual intercourse with a girl I just met and that I quote "Would probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday" I accidentally sent it to said ****** bearer.

Suicide plz.

Wanna get away?

Southwest_Airlines_logo.jpg

perfect.:D:w00t:

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You should probably go by some lube - Cause that's all your gonna be getting. 

Of course, some chicks like cocky guys, so maybe if you play it cool she'll dig it.  But not Saturday, she'll at least make you work for it... or buy her a bunch of $4it.

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rev_hal (4/17/2008)
Heådshø (4/16/2008)
In a juvenile and immature attempt to notify one of my friends that I was in the process of trying to have sexual intercourse with a girl I just met and that I quote "Would probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday" I accidentally sent it to said ****** bearer.

Suicide plz.

Wanna get away?

Southwest_Airlines_logo.jpg

:laugh: :laugh: Brilliant!

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It only gets worse from there.

So she calls me today, and I'm nervous as ##### about answering for fear of what she might say. She calls twice first and I don't answer it, because I spent all night last night jerkin it to compensate for the fact that this was going to be an uneventful weekend instead of trying to come up with something halfway #####ing intelligent to say to her.

So lunch time rolls around, and she calls again, so I answer. She says "Hey" and I say "Hey" and then there's this real long, awkward pause.

Her: "So what the ##### is wrong with you?"

Me: "Nothing, what are you talking about?"

Her: "What was that ##### you sent me last night?"

Me: "What?" :w00t:

At this point my mind is racing trying to think of something, and I tell her the only thing I can think of-- "It was just a joke, I thought you'd laugh at it. We're both somewhat adults, I thought I could make that kind of joke."

Are you #####ing kidding me? I just said the dumbest ##### I could have possibly said.

Her: "Oh my God you're such an ###hole. I'm not stupid you know, I know you didn't mean to send that to me. You were probably trying to send it to one of your stupid friends so you guys could celebrate."

Another long awkward pause.

Her: "Well, are you going to say anything?"

Me: "You're already saying it, I'm an ###hole and I'm incredibly immature."

Her: "Yeah, you are. We just met a week ago, and already you're telling you're friends that you're going to have sex with me? And you tell them that you will "probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday?" Wow, that's really #####ing romantic. Just to let you know, you won't, so you can send all of your friends back a text message saying that you're a ##### and you just ruined any chance you had with me."

Me: "Did I have a chance?"

At this moment she says something that I will hear over and over again for a long while.

Her: "I bought new stockings and panties, and a lace bra just for this weekend. Sucks doesn't it ###hole?" *click*

So there you have it, the epic fall from grace of Headshot. I suppose next time I'll wait until after I've sealed the deal to inform someone.

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Heådshø (4/17/2008)
It only gets worse from there.

So she calls me today, and I'm nervous as ##### about answering for fear of what she might say. She calls twice first and I don't answer it, because I spent all night last night jerkin it to compensate for the fact that this was going to be an uneventful weekend instead of trying to come up with something halfway #####ing intelligent to say to her.

So lunch time rolls around, and she calls again, so I answer. She says "Hey" and I say "Hey" and then there's this real long, awkward pause.

Her: "So what the ##### is wrong with you?"

Me: "Nothing, what are you talking about?"

Her: "What was that ##### you sent me last night?"

Me: "What?" :w00t:

At this point my mind is racing trying to think of something, and I tell her the only thing I can think of-- "It was just a joke, I thought you'd laugh at it. We're both somewhat adults, I thought I could make that kind of joke."

Are you #####ing kidding me? I just said the dumbest ##### I could have possibly said.

Her: "Oh my God you're such an ###hole. I'm not stupid you know, I know you didn't mean to send that to me. You were probably trying to send it to one of your stupid friends so you guys could celebrate."

Another long awkward pause.

Her: "Well, are you going to say anything?"

Me: "You're already saying it, I'm an ###hole and I'm incredibly immature."

Her: "Yeah, you are. We just met a week ago, and already you're telling you're friends that you're going to have sex with me? And you tell them that you will "probably have the ****** on lockdown by Saturday?" Wow, that's really #####ing romantic. Just to let you know, you won't, so you can send all of your friends back a text message saying that you're a ##### and you just ruined any chance you had with me."

Me: "Did I have a chance?"

At this moment she says something that I will hear over and over again for a long while.

Her: "I bought new stockings and panties, and a lace bra just for this weekend. Sucks doesn't it ###hole?" *click*

So there you have it, the epic fall from grace of Headshot. I suppose next time I'll wait until after I've sealed the deal to inform someone.

I never use this term but as the great "Matthew Pritts aka Pit would say,

OWNED! :w00t:

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Headshots since you won't be hittin that or getting headshots(no pun intended),hook a brotha up with her myspace or facebook.:D

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lol :w00t:dang headshot that was a really messed up story. you just dug yourself in a hole and kept digging and digging man...

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