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My biggest problem with Petrino quitting is.....


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Petrino simply can't abide warm weather in December, and what with all the hot air George Bush blows along with Global Warming, it was just a tad too toasty for him.


Global Warming has scrambled Bush's eggs to the point that he now thinks he's from Arkansas, so he used his Presidential "Powers," aka threat of assassination, to gently persuade Petrino to take the job.

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Ooh...I got it.

Petrino is actually ALGORE in disguise. He was using this whole coaching thing to track down ManBearPig. At first he thought ManBearPig might be in Atlanta, but it turned out just to be the Coach Killer. Now, he is **** near sure that ManBearPig is in Arkansas. If he catches ManBearPig, he will finally show up that silly George Bush who refuses to believe in ManBearPig.


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